


Red like Rubies

by KrimsonMistress



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Best Friends, Depressions, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Partnership, Rape, Sad, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-19 07:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11308368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrimsonMistress/pseuds/KrimsonMistress
Summary: Sebastian has a good life, married happily with a wonderful daughter. But one day the life of his partner turns to hell. Trying to help Joseph out of it, he invites him to live with his family, at least for a while...





	1. A Dreadful Day

_The blood was flooding, forming red rivers over the carpet. He smiled a little, because it was looking so strange. Strange and blurred. Everything got blurry._

_His head bumped onto the floor. He could feel the pain but it was blunt. Excluded from him. Maybe it wasn’t the best method to do it… but apparently, it was too late now._

 

“…and they all lived happily ever after until the day they eventually died.” Sebastian silently closed the book. Lily already fell asleep. Careful not to wake her, he covered the little girl with her blanked. Then he left the room.

Myra was still in the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher. With a smile, Sebastian laid his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck.

“Are you flirting with me?”, she asked with a grin.

“I’d never dare.” Sebastian lifted her up. “The dishes can wait.”

“Men.” Myra rolled her eyes. “If it was up to you, we would always end up having sex instead of doing the housework.”

“Would be nice if we could clean up like that.” He grinned.

“Unfortunately, it effectuates the opposite.” She crossed her hands in his neck. “Hey… have you ever thought about a second child?”

Sebastian smiled. “Yes. It would be wonderful to get another one. I mean Lily is five now and a good girl. I think she could handle.”

“I’ve hoped you’d say something like this.” Myra smiled. “You’re an awesome daddy.”

“And you’re a hot mummy.”

She slapped the back of his head. “Moron.”

“Let’s try right now.”, Sebastian murmured and started kissing her neck. “It doesn’t have to work at the first time, if you ask me.”

“Of course.” Myra laughed and let Sebastian carry her to the bedroom. None of them heard Sebastian’s cell phone ringing.

 

Sebastian opened his eyes. The alarm clock took him out of his languorous sleep. Grumpily he hit it and turned to the other side. But he didn’t find rest because Myra flipped against his forehead until he got up. If there was anything he hated about her, it would be her cheerful morning mood. Before he got his first cup of coffee, he was nothing but a ticking bomb.

He crawled to the bathroom to get himself dressed. Then he shuffled to the kitchen where Myra already was making breakfast.

“Have a look at eggs and bacon.”, she said. “I need to use the bathroom, too.”

Sebastian nodded slowly and placed himself next to the stove. “When does Juanita arrive?”

“In about an hour. Take your time, you tired moron.”

“Fuck you too.” Sebastian poked into the bacon.

 

After Myra came back from the bathroom, Sebastian went to Lily’s room to wake her up. The girl certainly inherited his late riser genetics. It was hard to get her out of bed. Without further ado Sebastian just picked her up.

“Juanita is coming soon, honey. Shall I send her away and tell her you’d rather sleep than play with her?”

“No!” Lily shook her head. “She promised to bring finger paints!”

“Then you will have to get dressed.” Sebastian put down his daughter. He was as proud as the girl herself, how self-reliant she already was. Every morning she took out clothes that she wanted to wear by herself. She could dress up alone and only needed help with zippers. Buttons were no problem.

 

“Hurry up or I’ll eat your breakfast.” Sebastian went to the door but within seconds Lily hung on his leg. “Nooo! My food! My food!”

Sebastian had to laugh. “Don’t worry. I’m not that mean.”

“You’re dumb.” Lily pouted.

“That face only works at your mother.” He padded her head. “And now get yourself ready.”

 

Back in the kitchen Sebastian set the table and Myra put the food on it. It didn't take Lily a long time, to come to the kitchen, too. Food was always a good motivation to get her somewhere. 

They took their time and ate breakfast together, listening to Lily's stories and what she wanted to do today. After Juanita arrived Sebastian and Myra went to work. They didn’t live far away from the police department, so they went there by foot every day. They barely saw each other at work so they had at least this walk every morning, where they could talk to each other and relax. Of course, it was the right thing that they weren’t partners anymore but they were always happy about common office work or meeting while breaks.

 

In front of the police department an agitated Connelly was waiting for them.

“Sebastian! There you are! Why aren’t you answering your phone?!”

“My phone? Oh shit, I forgot to check it today. It’s still home… somewhere.” Sebastian scratched his head. “Serious business?”

“Very serious business! Come on!” Connelly grabbed Sebastian’s sleeve and pulled him into the building. He lead him straight to the interrogations rooms.

A little confused Sebastian took a glance through the mirror and was really surprised to see Joseph sitting there.

“Joseph…”, he whispered. “He… didn’t do anything, did he?”

“Well… depends on how you face it.” Connelly sighed. “Guess they will take him to Beacon.”

“Beacon?!” Sebastian was shocked. He looked at Connelly and then back at Joseph. His partner didn’t look good at all. There were wounds on his body… and he was shaking.

“Yesterday some pig lured him up or something. He got battered, broken and…” Connelly gulped a little. “I don’t know it for sure, I wasn’t listening to everything. But I think that asshole raped him. And nobody was there to help.”

Sebastian didn’t know what to feel, as he looked at Joseph now. It felt like all his organs had been removed and there was nothing but emptiness inside of him.

“And…” Connelly continued, what made Sebastian feel even more hollow. “He went to the nearest motel to get a room for the night. Ordered some food and…” Connelly seemed like he was about to cry. That wasn’t a good sign. Not a good sign at all. “He… he took the knife from the plate and… tried to slit the wrists.”

“What?!” Suddenly the feelings came back into Sebastian and it hurt. He was scared to death.

“The doctor’s already here, they’re just recording his testimony… He is unstable so they can’t leave him alone. He doesn’t have a girlfriend and his family lives in Canada. They have to treat him… fixed.”

“But… he will be all alone in there.”

“He has got the doctors. They will take good care of him.”

Sebastian had doubts with that. Joseph was looking so lost right now.

 

Finally, everyone was leaving the interrogations room. When Joseph saw Sebastian he immediately run towards him and buried his head in his chest. Sebastian hugged him tight and felt Josephs body shaking.

“Please… I don’t want to go there. Help me…”, he whispered.

“Does he really have to go to Beacon?”, Sebastian asked. “It’s not like he is insane or something. He just… had a really bad day.”

“It would be irresponsible to leave him alone. He lives alone and nobody would be there in case of an emergency”, the doctor said.

“And if I take him home with me?” Sebastian felt Josephs body twitch. “Only if you want, of course.”

Joseph nodded immediately. “Yes.”

“In that case, it looks a little different. You will have to come to therapy hours, Mr Oda. But I guess staying with a friend is the best thing for your mental health now.”

“Yes.”, Joseph murmured silently, still pressing his body against Sebastian’s as if he could lose him. Sebastian just stood still and stroked his back while the doctor said goodbye. The rest of the attenders went back to work, too.

“What the hell, Joseph. Why do you do such things?”, Sebastian murmured.

Joseph twitched a little and didn’t answer. His body was trembling very hard now and he actually crawled onto him.

“Ouch!”, Sebastian shouted automatically as Josephs fingers buried themselves a little too deep into his shoulder. Joseph immediately backed off him. His was as pale as a corpse and breathing hard.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“You’re completely fucked up. You should get some sleep. Come on. Just lay down on the couch in my office.” Sebastian laid a hand on Josephs back. Softly he pushed him into the right direction. Joseph let him do it without any complains and sat down on the couch like a good boy. Before he laid down, he put off his shoes however.

“I don’t have a blanket or somethin’ like that… well, that will do, I guess.” Sebastian took off his trench coat and covered Joseph up with it. “It’s preheated.” Sebastian grinned at the younger one and even got back a little smile. Now pleased, Sebastian took off Joseph’s glasses and laid them down next to him.

“If something’s bothering you, I’m right here. Just say a word. I’ll do nothing but paperwork today.”

“Thank… you.” Joseph’s eyelids seemed to get heavy. Probably he didn’t sleep that night. He’d hopefully get some rest now.

 

Sebastian sat down on his desk and put out the files he should have edited a long time ago. There were many of them because he hated paperwork and absolutely wasn’t in the mood to do them, but there was no way to escape. At least he could watch over the now sleeping Joseph.

 

He worked hard until lunch break. When the clock finally hit twelve, he first of all stretched his muscles a little. Then he took a look at Joseph. He had wrapped himself up in his trench coat, still sleeping a deep slumber. At least now he seemed relaxed.

Sebastian stood up and went to his partner. Quietly, he kneeled down next to the couch. Josephs left arm slipped down from it and hung to the ground. Carefully, Sebastian put it up again.

He didn’t want to do the following, but he couldn’t help himself. As soft as he could, he removed Josephs glove and willowed up his sleeve. What was waiting beneath there, was horrible. A deep fresh cut that could definitely have killed him if no one had found him in time. He didn’t even wear a bandage.

“Please let go.”

Sebastian twitched. He didn’t notice Joseph waking up. “I’m sorry. I was too curious. Why aren’t you wearing a bandage?”

“Maybe I just hoped it would open up again.” Josephs sad voice gave Sebastian shivers.

“Don’t fucking move any muscle. I’m back in a minute.” Sebastian ran out of the office to the sickroom. He took every bandage he could find and also some iodine. Then he headed straight back into the office.

Joseph didn't move and looked at him, as he entered. He was still as pale as a ghost. “You… you better hurry.” His voice was shaking a little.

“What?! Why?!”

Joseph held up his right arm. Blood was wetting through the blue fabric of his shirt.

Sebastian reacted within seconds. He snapped the glove away from Josephs hand, willowed up the sleeve and snitched a tissue from his desk, to hastily clean up his arm a little. Then he put some iodine on the bandage and wrapped it around Josephs arm tightly. His partner twitched hard as the iodine touched his wound but Sebastian didn’t care. He took another bandage and tied it around that other one to tighten and thicken it.

“Fuck… Joseph.” Sebastian took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry… I spilled blood on your trench coat.”

Sebastian couldn’t help himself but to slap Joseph in the face. He didn’t punch hard but Joseph twitched as if a truck just hit him. He looked at him with tears in his eyes.

I took Sebastian less than a second to know that he completely fucked up. Joseph needed love, patience and attention, not a slap in the face.

“I… I’m sorry. I just… didn’t want you to say something like that. You’re far more important than my trench coat.”

“I know how much you love it…” Joseph looked at his now bandaged arm. “I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“You’re not ruining anything!” Sebastian took Josephs other arm. It didn’t open but nevertheless he imbued another bandage with iodine and tied it around the wound.

“Iodine burns way too heavy”, Joseph murmured.

 “But it helps.” Carefully Sebastian wrapped another bandage around his arm.

“Thank you… Sebastian. I’m really glad that you are here.” Joseph looked at him with the saddest face Sebastian ever saw. “I would understand if you couldn’t handle me, tough. I can barely handle myself right now.”

“That’s okay. Actually, it might be good for you to just scream everything out. Maybe hit something or whatever. Or just cry. I don’t know what gives you the most relief but just freak out whenever you feel like it. But please… try to handle it when my daughter’s in the room or leave it if you can’t.”

“Of course!” Joseph nodded. “I would never disturb your family. I’ll handle.”

“You don’t have to handle, Joseph. I just don’t want you to scream at my kid.”

“I would never do that.”

“I don’t think that either.” Sebastian laid a hand on Josephs shoulder. “You wanna eat something?”

“I don’t think I can. But maybe something to drink… tea would be nice.”

“I’ll get you some. You stay here and rest.”

“No… I’ll come with you.” Joseph sat up but Sebastian pushed him back on the couch.

“You’re exhausted. Stay.”

“But…”

“No. Just stay.”

“I am scared.” Joseph said it so quietly that Sebastian could barely hear him. It made him feel a little hollow again. He hugged his partner tightly and felt his body trembling.

“Is it true what Connelly said? Did this pig rape you?”

Joseph sobbed, grapping Sebastian’s shirt. “Yes.”

“Oh god, Joseph…” Sebastian stroke through his hair. “Are you… hurt?”

“I-it’s okay. I manage.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed. You can talk to me about everything, if you want. Hell, would rub your butt with unguent, if it would help you in some way.”

“I think I can do that alone, but thanks.”

“So… you need unguent?”

Joseph nodded. “He… ripped me open.”

“Oh my god.” Sebastian hugged him tightly. “How can you even sit?”

“It actually doesn’t hurt that much while sitting. It’s okay.”

“And… what the hell do doctors do about something like that?!”

“You just have to wait until it heals.”

“Can you even go to the toilet?”

“I actually don’t want to find that out.” Joseph closed his eyes. “I’ll be okay, though. Don’t worry about that. It’s more about… feeling dirty.”

“When we get home, you can take a bath, if you want.”

“Not that kind of dirty. But thanks.”

“You don’t smell that good today. You should.”

“Thank you.” Joseph laid back down on the couch and glanced at the ceiling. “I’m sorry that I’m such a mess. I’ll just… have to get it together again.”

“Take your time. That’s nothing you can overcome in one single day.” Sebastian smiled a little and laid his palm on Josephs cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ll hurry and be back in a minute with your tea.”

“Thank you.” Joseph closed his eyes, leaning his head against Sebastian’s hand. “I owe you so much.”

“You owe me nothing. Just get well soon.”

“I’ll try.”


	2. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian tries to comfort Joseph... and learns some new things about his partner.

Sebastian let Joseph go and went out of the office, right to the cafeteria. The tea from the vending machine wasn’t the best one in the world but one could drink it and it was hot as fuck. Joseph definitely looked like he needed some warmth.

The detective put some coins in the machine and waited for the tea to flood in one of the cheap paper cups.

“Sebastian!”

He turned around as he heard his wife’s voice. Myra was walking towards him.

“Hey.”, he said with a little smile.

“What happened this morning. Sounded all serious.” She looked at him with way too much curiosity in her eyes.

“So… nobody knows?”

“No.” She shook her head. “But what’s this all about?”

“Oh, thank god.” Sebastian sighed in relief. “It’s about Joseph.”

“Is he hurt?!”

“Well… yes. But… fuck this is hard to explain…” Sebastian sighed again. “He really needs me now. Us. I told him that he can move in. We should clean up the guestroom a little…”

“Wait... what?” Myra looked at him in shock. “You can’t just decide something like that without asking me!”

“I can and I will!” Sebastian took a deep breather. “I barely can talk about it, because it makes me wanna cry like a baby to say it…” He looked around to make sure nobody was listening. “Joseph got raped last night. And that asshole just got away with it.”

“Oh my god…” Myra put her hands in front of her mouth.

“Sadly, that’s not even the whole story…” Sebastian sniffed, not wanting to speak it out loud.

“Tell me.” Myra grabbed his hand.

“He… tried to kill himself.”

“Oh god…” Myra hugged him and it was exactly what he needed.

“You see… the would have taken him to Beacon. But that’s not the right place for him. He needs me now. I can’t let him down. It would break him even more.”

“I understand. It’s okay. He can stay as long as he wants. And we will take care of him as long as he needs it.”

“Thank you so much.”

Myra gave him a little kiss. “I just hope that Lily will like him.”

“Lily likes everyone.”

“No. She hates Tom.”

“Tom is a fuckboy, of course she hates that little brat.”

“Don’t talk like that about a five-year-old!”

“Do you like that boy?”

“…No.”

“There ya have it.”

Myra smiled a little. “You’re drinking tea today? How extraordinary.”

“No, it’s… for Joseph. I should head back to him. He doesn’t like… being alone.”

“I see.” Myra gave him another kiss. “Take good care of him.”

“I will.”

 

Sebastian went back to his office where Joseph now sat straight on the couch. He was just staring at the ground with his glasses back on.

“Hey partner. I’ve got your tea.” Sebastian sat down next to him and handed him the cup.

“Thank you.” Joseph took a little sip.

“You need anything else?”

Joseph shook his head. “I’m good.”

“But I insist that you eat dinner with us this evening. Juanita will cook. She is awesome at cooking.”

“It would be impolite to say no, I guess.”

“That’s the spirit!” Sebastian padded Josephs back. “But we should stop at your place first. Grab you some clothes and stuff.”

“Yes. That would be useful.”

“You can move in the guestroom… we will have to clean it up first because Lily built up a fortress in there.”

“You don’t have to destroy her fortress… the couch is fine by me.”

“Nonsense. She will manage.”

“Or she will hate me, because it’s my fault.” Joseph lowered his head. “Children always hate me. It will be difficult enough.”

“My daughter won’t hate you. I can promise you that.”

“I don’t know. I’m just not good with kids. One once cried just because I smiled at them while walking by.” Joseph sighed. “Maybe it’s good that I’ll never have one.”

“Who knows? You’re only 30, you still got plenty of time.”

Joseph looked at him with a sad smile. “Time for what?”

“The usual. Find a girl, marry, settle down, get kids. It’s the best thing that can happen to you.”

“But it won’t happen to me.” Joseph took another sip from the cup.

“Why not?” Sebastian rested his palm on Joseph’s shoulder. “Don’t think you’re not good enough.”

“Besides the fact that I am not good enough for anyone…” Joseph took a deep breath. “Girlfriends are not really my thing.”

“So… you’re out for one-night-stands? I didn’t think that of you.”

“No, you don’t get the point…” Joseph sighed again, brushing over his face. “Please don’t make it so difficult, it’s really hard for me to confess…” He took a look into the cup, watching the tea shaking a little, because he moved. “I… I am gay.”

“Oh!” Sebastian finally got it… and didn’t know what to say.

“Please don’t tell it to anyone. I know how this works. _Oh, he is gay, so it wasn’t that worse that he got raped. He surely enjoyed it."_ Joseph got tears into his eyes again. “You’re probably thinking the same.”

“Definitely not.” Sebastian laid an arm around him. “That’s like blaming the woman, because she wore a skirt. Disgusting.”

“You once said you didn’t like gays…” Joseph sniffed. “So I was afraid to tell you.”

“I said I didn’t like that kind of gays who overact all the time and dress themselves like women. That’s definitely not you.”

“No… I never had the urge to dress up like a woman… or wear make-up.” Joseph smiled a little. “I just… like boys.”

“That’s okay. Don’t worry. Also, it explains a lot. That’s why you don’t want to shower with us, isn’t it? You’re not actually shy.”

Joseph blushed a little. “I am, in fact, very shy. I don’t like people seeing me naked. But I also felt like it was wrong to shower with all of you.”

“So… you find us all attractive?”

“No! I mean… not like that…” Joseph played with the cup in his hand. “I don’t want anybody. I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe you.” Sebastian smiled a little. “You’re crushing someone.”

“I’m not!” Joseph almost shouted, now looking very angry. “Can you please just let it go?!”

“Woah, chill!” Sebastian put up his hands in defense. “It’s okay. I won’t ask again.”

“Thank you.” Joseph took another sip from the cup.

“So… it might sound dumb, but how did you find out that you’re… like that?”, Sebastian asked carefully.

“I had a friend I’ve knew since elementary school. But… unlike him I didn’t develop interest in boobs… I developed interest in him.” Joseph sighed and smiled a little. “Then the day came when he fell in love with a girl. He wanted to confess her, kiss her, whatever. It broke my heart but I promised to help. I put on a cheap wig and played the girl for him, so he could practice. He did good, so I said he could kiss me now. I would have definitely kissed him after this sweet words… but sadly they weren’t for me. He laughed and hugged me, kissing my cheek as a little joke. And I was so happy. I had butterflies everywhere in my body. I wanted him so badly… but I knew it would never come true.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. He got together with that girl… it was love. Real love. They were still together when I left Canada.” Joseph smiled a little. “It hurt but… it also made me happy. We lost contact but… a few years ago a received a birth-card of their son. There was a photo included with him holding the baby… a proud daddy. I couldn’t have got him this. I couldn’t have made him happy.”

“So, you never told him how you felt?”

Joseph shook his head. “Why should I? He was happy. Had a good life. I only would have destroyed it.”

“And… were there others?”, Sebastian asked carefully.

“Do you really think I’m a 30-year-old virgin?” Now Joseph had to smile a little.

“Maybe.” Sebastian grinned. “I wonder… do you prefer to play man or woman?”

Josephs eyebrow twitched a little. “I hate that. Being bottom doesn’t make you a woman, you know?”

“So, you’re _that_.”, Sebastian said with a triumphed smile.

“This is awkward…”

“Why?”

“I… don’t usually tell people that I am gay and… I definitely don’t talk about sex.” Joseph looked down to the floor again. “I guess that man yesterday ruined it all for me. How can I trust anyone anymore?”

Sebastian laid both arms around Joseph, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry. I always talk too much.”

“It’s okay. I like it. I really need to talk… about so many stuff I’ve kept inside. It makes me feel at least a little free.” Joseph leaned his head against Sebastian’s chest. “And you are right… I miss being in a relationship. I hate being alone. But I’ve always had bad luck. Being raped fits right in.”

“It can’t at least get any worse. Now things will have to look up.”, Sebastian said softly.

“I don’t think so.” Joseph closed his eyes. “But I wouldn’t say no if you hold me now… please.”

Sebastian removed the cup from Josephs hand and placed it on the floor. Then he hugged the younger one tightly, putting up his trench coat on his shoulders.

“Please tell me this isn’t wrong.”, Joseph whispered in tears.

“Of course it isn’t wrong that you want to be held.” Sebastian stroke his wet cheek.

“But for how long will it be okay? One day you’ll say that I don’t need it anymore… I shouldn’t get used to treatment like this… I’ll miss it so much when it’s over.” Joseph sniffed a little.

“Damn Joseph, don’t think too much! You can always hug me, if you need it.” Sebastian padded his shoulder.

Joseph buried his head in Sebastian’s chest, crying again. His partner couldn’t do anything but hold him.

 

After a while Joseph finally looked up. He dried his eyes with his dirty sleeve and polished his glasses with the same.

“I’m sorry.”, he murmured. “I should be more mature.”

“No. You shouldn’t.” Sebastian stroke through his hair. “You should sleep a little more. Lunch break is over and I’ve got paperwork to do.”

“I can help you.” Joseph stood up, adjusting his glasses.

“You really don’t have to…”

“But I want to.” Joseph sat down at Sebastian’s desk, taking a file.

“If you insist… I won’t complain.” Sebastian sat down next to him, taking another file. “Together we’ll finish much faster and then we can leave and grab your stuff.”

Joseph nodded in agreement and continued with the file.

 

They finished the paperwork around 3pm. Joseph seemed a little dizzy. No wonder, he had lost a lot of blood and didn’t eat anything.

“You know what, let’s head to my place first. You need to eat and we can get your clothes later.”

“I… I think you’re right.” Joseph nodded a little.

“Shit I forgot my phone…” Sebastian sighed and grabbed the old-school telephone to call at home. “Juanita? Yes, it’s me, Sebastian. Please make something to eat. Light stuff first, that you can finish in 10 minutes. I’m coming home and I’ve got a hungry friend with me. Had a lot of blood-loss. I knew you’d get me. See ya.” Sebastian smiled at Joseph. “Juanita will spoil you now.”

“That’s… that’s really nice of you.” Joseph smiled back at him.

“I forgot to ask, do you have any allergies?”

“No, not really…” Joseph took a deep breath. “May I… cook something for you tomorrow?”

“You’re our guest.” Sebastian sighed.

“But I can at least be useful. And since cooking is my hobby it wouldn’t bother me at all.”

“Your hobby? Then I expect you to be good.” Sebastian grinned and Joseph smiled a little.

“I guess you can eat it.”

“My little critic will decide.” Sebastian winked.

Joseph sighed again. “I still hope she will like me.”

“She will. Trust me. Now come on, get some food inside you!” Sebastian stood up and pulled Joseph with him.

 

They had to walk slow since Joseph didn’t have much energy. He could barely walk straight and his stomach was grumbling.

“Oh boy.” Sebastian grinned. “Someone here is really hungry.”

Joseph blushed a little. “I didn’t eat anything in about 24 hours.”

“Then it’s about time.”

 

They finally entered Sebastian’s home, where Lily immediately jumped into his arms. “Daddy!”

“Hey sweetie.” He gave her a little kiss on the forehead and then put her back down. “Say hello to Joseph.”

“Hello Joseph!” She waved and he smiled a little.

“Hello Lily.”

“You know my name?!”

“Your Dad talks about you very often. Also, I was at your baptism.”

“I can’t remember that…”

“I thought so.” Joseph smiled again and then kneeled down to be eye to eye with Lily. “I’m Joseph. I work with your Dad.” He shook her little hand and she giggled.

“You’re Jo-Jo! Like the little monkey!”

“I’m a monkey?” Joseph blinked.

“Nooo! But look!” She wanted to drag him to her room but Sebastian stopped her.

“Honey, you can show Jo-Jo later. Joseph is very hungry right now and he needs to eat.”

“I’m hungry, too! I want to eat, too!”

“You will get fat.”

“I won’t get fat!” Lily crossed her arms. “I just want tomatoes!”

“Fine, you’ll get tomatoes. But be quiet. Don’t always shout. Joseph is exhausted.”

“Okay!” Lily giggled and danced to the kitchen.

Joseph looked at Sebastian. “Does she… like me?”

Sebastian laughed. “You bet.” He put his keys on the drawer. “Ah… there is my phone. I should check…”

“Can you check the kitchen first? I… want to know if food is ready.” Joseph smiled a little.

“Of course, hungry Jo-Jo.” Sebastian grinned and walked into the kitchen, where Lily already snitched some tomatoes.

Juanita smiled at him. “I’ve put some salad and sandwiches on the table in the dining room. I also got some juices, I didn’t know which one you’d like.”

“Thank you. That’s perfect.” Sebastian smiled back and looked behind him. Joseph wasn’t there. A little confused he went back into the hallway where he caught Joseph with his phone.

“Hey! What are you doing?!”

Joseph twitched and pressed the phone on his chest. “Nothing.”

“That’s not nothing. Give me that.”

“Sebastian, please…”

Sebastian ripped out the phone of Josephs hands with force. As he looked at it he noticed that Joseph didn’t get through his pin code. So whatever he wanted to do, it wasn’t successful.

He unlocked the phone with the right code and immediately saw what Joseph wanted to delete. About 50 missed calls, five of them by Connelly, the rest… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I did all the work on this alone. So sorry for Grammar mistakes, I tried really hard to write correctly. ^0^  
> Thank you for the Kudos on the first chapter and I hope you enjoyed this one as well. ~
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	3. Reasons Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian listens to his mailbox...

“You… called me. And I didn’t…” Sebastian felt tears in his eyes. 

“Please… just delete the messages.” Joseph laid his hand on his arm. “I wasn’t myself that night.”

“I will listen to them.”

“I don’t want you to feel guilty for anything. It’s not your fault.”

“I feel guilty. And it is my fault.” 

Joseph just hugged him and stroked his back. “I have depressions. Just so you know… you couldn’t have stopped me that night.”

“I would have driven to that motel and held you all night long. No, I would have taken you here and would have held you all night long. I would have done anything…”

“Please don’t cry.” Joseph held him tightly, shaking himself.

“How can I not cry? You almost died and I couldn’t do anything to stop you… I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. What kind of partner am I?!”

“You’re there for me now and I still need you.” Joseph leaned his head against Sebastian’s. “Let’s eat now, okay?”

“Okay.” Sebastian nodded and whipped away the tears.

 

They headed to the dining room where Joseph’s stomach was obviously happy to see all the food. It made Sebastian smile a little.

“Go on, take what you want.”

Joseph sat down and grabbed a sandwich. Sebastian sat down next to him and just watched him eat. His appetite was gone now.

“Aren’t you hungry?”, Joseph asked.

“I’m waiting for dinner.” Sebastian faked a smile. 

“I shouldn’t eat that much then…”

“Nonsense, eat whatever you want. If you aren’t hungry at dinner anymore it’s okay, too. Just get filled up now. You need it.”

“I don’t know. It would be impolite to not eat dinner and I am okay now. The hunger is gone.”

“Okay, if you say so…”

“I want a sandwich!” Lily suddenly appeared in the kitchen, jumping on Joseph’s lab to get one. Obviously surprised he held her so she wouldn’t fall down.

“Can I show him Jo-Jo now?!” She looked with puppy eyes at Sebastian.

“Sure but no food in your room, dear.”

“Ah, man! Hold that for me!” She gave Joseph the sandwich, climbed back down from his lab and ran out of the room. A few seconds later she came back with a book in her hands.

“Here, look!” She handed the book to Joseph, taking the sandwich instead.

“Jo-Jo, the monkey”, he read out loud. “Oh… I guess I do look like him.” He smiled a little when he saw the monkey with glasses on the cover.

“Hah! I was right!” Lily grinned. “Can I call you Jo-Jo?”

“If you want.”

“Yes! Do you want to play with me, Jo-Jo? I have finger paints!”

“Uhm…” Joseph obviously was overstrained. “You want me… to play with you?”

“Yeees!” Lily grabbed his hand. “I want your handprint on my wall! Next to Mummy and Daddy and me and Juanita and Melanie and Aylin and Fran!” She went tiptoe and whispered: “They are all my bestest friends.”

Joseph blushed a little. “Why do you want me there then? You don’t even know me.”

“Of course, I know you! You’re Daddy’s boyfriend!”

“I’m not his boyfriend!” Joseph got a little loud but then caught himself again. “I’m his partner.”

“Whatever, come on now!” She pulled him from the chair.

“Sebastian…”

“Well, I guess you’ll have to paint your hand now.” Sebastian grinned and took the sandwich back since Lily didn't seem to want it anymore. “We all had to. She loves finger paints.” 

“Okay then…” Joseph smiled a little. “I’m gonna go play, I guess.” He vanished with Lily in her room.

Sebastian smiled a sad smile. It was obvious that Joseph would made a great father if he’d ever get the chance, no matter what he thought or said by himself. He truly wished for his partner to find the right one in this moment. A guy that would heal the scars at least a little. Someone who could make him happy again.

Sebastian looked at the phone in his hand. He knew that whatever was on there wasn’t going to be pleasant. But while he had a very pleasant night, Joseph had to live through a nightmare. 

 

He stood up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him to not get disturbed. Then he sat down on the toilet, taking a deep breath and finally calling his mailbox.

“You have 21 new messages”, the robot lady said. Sebastian closed his eyes. At least he didn’t leave a message after every call. He wouldn’t have been able to sit out 50 messages.

“ _Message number 1_ : …S-Sebastian? If… if you hear this… please call me back, okay? Just… call back.” Joseph sounded like he was still in shock. 

“ _Message number 2_ : Hey… it’s me… Joseph… again… sorry for disturbing. I just… I guess I need some help… I don’t know. I think I… never mind. Just… call back please.” Sebastian bit his lip. It was already way too hard for him to listen.

“ _Message number 3_ : Y-you’re busy, aren’t you? But… if you wouldn’t mind… maybe… come and pick me up? I don’t think I… can go home… I’m in a backroad near the supermarket at Kensington Street. I’m… I’m too scared to move, actually… it’s dumb I guess but… I can be adult tomorrow, right? Please… call back.” 

“Joseph…” Sebastian already felt tears in his eyes. He felt so guilty.

“ _Message number 4_ : Please, please look at your phone! I can’t handle this anymore!” Joseph was sobbing and crying now. It broke Sebastian’s heart.

“ _Message number 5_ : Can… can I come to your place? I won’t bother you or your family… I just want to… get some rest. Please… please answer me!”

“Why didn’t you just come?”, Sebastian asked quietly, whipping the tears away. 

“ _Message number 6_ : I’ll go now… is it okay if I come? I… I think I need a hug or something.” Sebastian’s hands were shaking now and he could barely hold the phone.

“ _Message number 7_ : I’m… on my way now. I think… people are staring at me… But I did no wrong! It… it wasn’t my fault!” Joseph sobbed again. “Please just be at home.”

“Why didn’t you come?”, Sebastian whispered.

“ _Message number 8_ : I’m here now… Sebastian. But I guess… you’re all asleep. The house is dark. So, it doesn’t make any sense to call you either… I don’t want to wake you up. I’ll stay somewhere else.”

“You idiot…” Sebastian held his head.

“ _Message number 9_ : Fuck, damn, just help me! Somebody!” Sebastian twitched. He’d never hear Joseph cursing before.

“ _Message number 10_ : I’ve rented a motel room now. It stinks and is surely way more unsafe than my home. But what does it even matter anymore? It can’t get any worse, right? Sebastian… please just grab the phone. I need to talk.

_Message number 11_ : …” Joseph didn’t talk in this message. He was just sobbing. Sebastian wanted to stand up and run to Lily’s room to just hug him, but at first he would listen through all of the messages, no matter how hard it would be.

“ _Message number 12_ : Hey… Sebastian. Sorry about the last one. I didn’t notice… the phone was still on.” He took a deep breath. “Please… when you wake up… can you come? I… I’m not feeling that well… Okay? Bye then…

_Message number 13_ : I’m sorry… it’s me. Again. I don’t think I’ll make it through the night so I just hope the sound of the phone will wake you… but maybe your turned it off… never mind.

_Message number 14_ : I would call someone else, you know? But… you’re my only friend. I don’t have anyone else. And I fucking need you now!” He shouted but it ended in crying. Sebastian felt sick. He didn’t even know that Joseph didn’t have any friends and it made him feel like vomiting.

“ _Message number 15_ : Hey I… I just ordered food. It’s enough for both of us. So… it’s almost daybreak and I’m kind of proud. I did survive the night. I fought all trough it… but…. I can’t stay strong any longer. You’ll get up soon I guess… then you can come. And we can eat breakfast together.” Now Sebastian did have to cuck up. He bent over the sink while still pressing the phone on his right ear. He would listen through it. That was the least he could do.

“ _Message number 16_ : It’s time to get up, Sebastian. Just look at your phone!

_Message number 17_ : …I get it now.” He sniffed. “You are already up, I know that for sure! You... you just don’t want to answer, right? You don’t care about me. Why should you…? We’re just colleagues, nothing more… I’m sorry I thought that… that we are friends.” 

Sebastian panted and pressed his head against the cold tiled wall. “We are friends. I’m so sorry.”

“ _Message number 18_ : I can’t take it anymore… Why am I even fighting? No one would miss me, right? Not even you. You’ve got your perfect family… you’ll get a new partner…” He coughed. He did cry way too much in that night. “Maybe I should try to be strong… to move on. But I don’t think I have the power for that. I just want to rest.” He sobbed. “Is that really so selfish? How can I be selfish if nobody cares about me? I miss my grandfather… he was the only one who was always there for me. Maybe there is something like heaven… like afterlife… I don’t know. I would be happy to see him again. I miss him so much…” Sebastian now cried like a little baby. He trembled and could barely stand.

“ _Message number 19_ : I… just wanted to say goodbye. I’m sorry for bothering you all night long. I wish you all the best… stay happy… have a good life.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve always admired you. Your new partner is very lucky. And… you can have all my stuff. You could go on holidays with your family if you sell it. Maybe buy your daughter new toys… I just want to be useful for once, you know? And… now I want to rest. It’s the only thing I want. And… for one time in my life I’m just doing what I want without listening to others… or think of their feelings. You will be sad… I’m cruel enough to say that I hope you’ll be sad. Because… if you aren’t I didn’t mean anything to you. And I thought… we were somehow close.” He sniffed a little. “Maybe I just thought that because I’ve been alone for so long. I’ve forgotten how friendship works. I’ve forgotten how family works. And after tonight… I don’t think I’ll be able to have both of it in my life anymore. Someone like me can’t make friends. Someone like me can’t be loved. Someone like me just can die to make the world a better place. And that’s what I’m gonna do now… Goodbye, partner.” Sebastian hat to puke again. He was breathing hard and just held onto the sink.

“ _Message number 20_ : Sebastian?! This is Connelly speaking! Please come to the police department at once! It’s urgent!” 

“It’s my fault”, Sebastian whispered.

“ _Message number 21_ : Please, Sebastian, hurry! It’s about Joseph! Just grab your phone!” 

“I didn’t grab the phone…” Sebastian took a deep breath and cleaned up the sink. He put the phone back into his pocket and looked in the mirror. He was pale. His face was wet, his eyes red. He washed his face and dried it with a towel. At least he started to look human again.

“I’m sorry Joseph. I’ll be a better friend now. I promise.”, he whispered and then left the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a pain in the ass to write this chapter. I've cried so much, I couldn't see the screen anymore! xD  
> Am I skilled now...? I made myself cry. uvu  
> Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter! :D
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	4. The Fortress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has to give up her fortress for Joseph to move in...

Sebastian peeked into Lily’s room, where his daughter and Joseph were sitting on the ground, painting with fingers on a white sheet.

When Lily noticed him, she stood up. “Daddy! Daddy look what Jo-Jo drew!” She pointed on the sheet they were drawing at. Sebastian stepped closer and his moth swung open. Joseph had drawn a perfect portrait of Lily with nothing but lilac finger paint.

“That… that’s fucking awesome.”, he said astonished. Joseph blushed a little and looked away from him, obviously embarrassed.

“Daddy! Mommy said you’re not allowed to say that word.” Lily crossed her arms.

“I’m sorry, honey.” Sebastian padded her head.

“I drew Jo-Jo!” Lily pointed on an ugly stick figure with glasses next to Joseph’s drawing.

“It’s beautiful, too.” Sebastian smiled at her.

“Jo-Jo will give me lessons and then I will get better than him!”

“Then you will have to practice a lot.”

“I will!” Lily smiled. “When I’m an adult, I’m gonna be an artist!”

“Have fun.” Sebastian smiled and sat down next to Joseph. “Where did you learn to draw like that?”

“It’s just a hobby...” Joseph still seemed to be embarrassed. “Sometimes I draw to clear my mind. It helps me think.”

“It’s amazing.”

“Thank you…” Joseph now blushed in a deep red. Sebastian had to laugh and cuddled him a little. Lily immediately joined and hugged Joseph around the waist. Carefully, he stroked her back.

“You can touch her, she won’t melt.” Sebastian smirked.

“I will! I am a sugar fairy!” Lily made herself comfortable in Joseph’s lap and laid her head on his thigh.

“My bad.” Sebastian poked her cheek and Lily made chocking noises. I made Sebastian feel uncomfortable at once.

“Stop it”, he said a little harsh. “Sugar fairies don’t die. They spread love and candy everywhere.”

“Yes!” Lily jumped up again. “Candy!”

Sebastian sighed. “After dinner.”

“But I need candy! I’m a sugar fairy!”

“Imagine it.” Sebastian stood up. “By the way, we will have to destroy your fortress.”

“What?! No! No! No! That’s mine! Mine!!” Lily screamed at him and Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“You don’t even play with it.”

“But I will!”

“No, you won’t. Joseph will move in for a while and he needs a place to sleep.”

“Jo-Jo can sleep in my fortress!”

“Or he can just sleep in the bed!” Sebastian sighed. “Please don’t make such a big deal out of it.”

“But you said me I could keep the fortress!” Lily crossed her arms and gave him an angry look.

“I said you can keep it until we need the guestroom!” Sebastian raised his voice a little. He didn’t have the nerves for this now. “And now we need the guestroom!”

“But it’s my fortress!!” Lily now had tears in her eyes.

“I-it’s okay. I can sleep on the couch.”, Joseph said quietly.

“No, Joseph. You need some privacy, too.” Sebastian sighed. “Come on, Lily. Don’t be like that.”

Lily seemed very unhappy but she nodded. “Maybe I really don’t play with it anymore… But I want to destroy it myself!”

“Thank you.” Sebastian padded her head. “Come on Joseph.”

 

He stood up and together they went to the guestroom where Lily built up a fortress on the floor, made of some blankets, pillows and two chairs.

“Heh… I built some of these too when I was little.”, Joseph said with a smile.

“Mine is awesomer!”, Lily shouted. “And deader!” She tossed the blankets and pillows through the room.

“Whatever.” Sebastian sighed. “The room is okay for you, isn’t it? It’s not that big, but…”

“It’s fine. I like it.” Joseph smiled at him.

Sebastian just gave him another hug. “Please just say if you need anything. I’ll be there.”, he murmured.

“I will.” Joseph closed his eyes, resting his head on Sebastian’s chest for a second.

“I am your friend, you know?”

“I know. You shouldn’t have listened.”

“I owe you that. I needed to know.”

“Now you know how I can be if I lose control.” Joseph looked at him. “And I might lose control. I don’t feel stable.”

“But if you lose control I’ll be there to hold you.” Sebastian rested his palm on Joseph’s cheek for a second. “And I won’t let you go ‘till you’re fine.”

“Thank you.” Joseph smiled a little. “I just hope that… I won’t annoy anyone.”

“You won’t. Me and Myra understand you both. You don’t have to pretend that you’re strong.”

Joseph nodded a little. “I know that I am weak.”

“You’re not. I know you.” Sebastian padded his shoulder.

 

“Finished!” Lily gave them a proud glance as she stood in the chaos she’d produced.

“Great.” Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Now get out and play. Jo-Jo and I will do the rest.”

“Okay!” Lily giggled and left the room.

Sebastian sighed and put up all the blankets and laid them on the bed, just like the pillows. “You can choose. Do you want to sleep in the pink princess bedding or do you prefer the pink fairy bedding? Or the not so pink Japanese hero girl?”

Joseph smiled a little. “All great choices, but I think I’ll take Sailor Moon, since I’m half Japanese.”

“You know that show? Wow, now I totally believe that you’re gay.”

“Shut up…” Joseph gave him a light punch into the ribs.

“You even punch like a girl.” Sebastian grinned and sat down on the bed.

Joseph sighed and sat down next to him. “Actually, I want to keep them all.”

“All pillows?”

“All pillows and blankets.”

“I see. You want to build a cuddle fortress.” Sebastian smirked.

“Yes… I guess you could say that.” Joseph laid down on the Sailor Moon pillow.

“I’ll give you cuddle fortress.” Sebastian grinned and laid down to him, hugging him first but then tickling his tights. Joseph had to laugh hard. He was trying to escape but Sebastian held him close, continuing his torture.

“Seb… please!” Joseph gasped for air. “Stop!”

“What is the magic word?”

“Please!”

Sebastian let him go and Joseph took a deep breath. “Don’t ever do this again.”

“I found it funny.” Sebastian pulled him closer. “Come on, don’t make such a grumpy face.”

“I hate that.” Joseph rested his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“But it made you laugh.”

“Not by choice.”

“But it suited you.”

“I didn’t feel like it, though.” Joseph looked at him with his light brown eyes. “I want to laugh because I’m happy, not because I get forced.”

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian stroked his arm.

“No, no, I’m sorry.” Joseph smiled a little. “I give you a hard time right now. You don’t deserve that.”

“You just ask for help because you need it.” Sebastian padded his shoulder.

“I don’t know what I need right now…” Joseph closed his eyes. “Well… I do, but…”

“What is it?”

“Impossible.” Joseph looked back at him with a little smile. “So it’s not worth mentioning.”

“Tell me.”

Joseph shook his head. “Not today. Maybe later.” He snuggled closer to Sebastian. “I just want to enjoy this moment now.”

“Is it so enjoyable?” Sebastian stroke through his hair.

“Well, for you it might be normal.” Joseph buried his head in Sebastian’s chest. “But I never get any affection. It just feels good.” He sniffed a little like it would make him cry again.

“Joseph…” Sebastian held him closer.

“I don’t want to complain, you know? I just think… I deserve it at least a little. I’ve been through so much shit recently. I really need to rest.”

“Just relax. You wanna take a bath later?”

“Yes… I definitely need to.”

“And we still have to grab your stuff.”

“Right.” Joseph yawned while snuggling closer. “I really like the smell of your perfume.”

“Thank you. You can borrow it, if you want. Myra picked it.”

“She has a good taste.”

“Indeed, she has.” Joseph sniffed on Sebastian’s neck. “I never noticed that before.”

“I don’t have it for that long.” Sebastian smiled a little. “I’m glad you like it. I wasn’t sure at first. It contains roses and… well that’s not very manly.”

Joseph giggled. “You’ve got problems, partner.”

“Hey, it’s my manliness which’s on the game, not yours!”

“You’re manly, don’t worry.” Joseph grinned a little.

Sebastian bowed down a little and smelled Joseph’s neck. “What are you wearing? That smells really… female. But good.”

Joseph seemed a little embarrassed. “It… is women’s perfume, actually. I’m surprised you can still smell it.”

“It’s kinda weak, but there. Why are you wearing women’s perfume?”

“I like the smell. All the men’s fragrances smell so aggressive…” He sighed. “You do have to be a tough guy, I get it. But are you really manlier because you smell like wood?”

Sebastian had to laugh. “What do you have against wood?”

“Nothing! I own men’s perfume’s, too. But sometimes I want something sweet.”

“I get ya.” Sebastian padded Joseph’s head. “You are a sweet boy.”

“Don’t make fun of me.” Joseph rolled his eyes.

“I would never.”

Joseph sat up. “We should go and grab my stuff, don’t you think? It’s still time, right?”

“Yeah, sure. We will have dinner in about two hours.” Sebastian rolled out of the bed. “By the way, I just noticed… I’ve never visited you before. Now I’m curious.”

“What do you expect?”

“Sailor Moon posters.”

Joseph hit him hard this time. “You are an idiot.”

He had to laugh. “I’m sorry.”

“Do something useful and grab your car keys.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, Fluff aaand more Fluff. I wanted Joseph to at least grab a little affection sometimes. Good for him that Sebastian doesn't get what it really means to him, huh...?
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	5. Joseph's Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Joseph actually just want to grab some stuff... but then Sebastian learns a new horrible truth...

Sebastian went to the kitchen, where Juanita was preparing dinner. “Have an eye on Lily, yes? Joseph and I are grabbing some stuff.”

“Yes, Mr Castellanos.” Juanita could speak his last name better than himself. She was Mexican, an immigrant who’d do any job to find a base to live. But unlike many others, Juanita really was eager to bring herself in. She took English classes and was writing many applications to be able to work in her dream job: child care worker. But she hadn’t been successful yet, which was good for him since she made their lives so much easier. She didn’t talk much about her private life but apparently her husband cheated on her, or something like that, since she wasn’t able to get any children. Now she was in her mid-fifty’s and probably couldn’t get any children anymore, even if her body would have allowed it before.

“ _Luego nos vemos!_ ” He gave her a little smile and grabbed the car keys.

“ _Hasta pronto!_ Your accent is still terrible.”, Juanita said with a smirk.

“ _Gracias._ ” Sebastian laughed. “I was better once, you know? My great-grandparents were Spanish and they couldn’t speak a word English.”

“You slowed down.”

“Yes, I did.” Sebastian laughed again. “But it’s still enough to communicate.”

Juanita nodded and waved, as Sebastian left the kitchen. Joseph already was waiting in the hallway. They went outside and got into Sebastian’s red Jeep.

“I didn’t know you needed such a big car.”, Joseph said with a completely straight face.

“Eh? What do you want to say with that?!”

“Nothing.” Joseph now had to laugh.

Sebastian boxed his shoulder. “You’re mean, Joseph. I love this car. I bought it two month ago as a birthday present for myself.”

“It’s nice.” Joseph looked out the window. “I just don’t get why you need a Jeep in a city like Krimson.”

“It’s not like it’s a safari-car! It’s a Grand Cherokee WL. And it’s fancy!”

“And it surely needs a lot of gasoline.”

“Don’t ruin it.” Sebastian pouted.

“I won’t. It’s a nice car.”

“What are your driving?”

“You never noticed?”

“No?”

“I’m driving to work every day.”

“That surely needs a lot of gasoline.”

“Yes… it does.” Joseph sighed. “I’ve got a Toyota.”

“Which one?”

“A black Mark II X110. Built in 2001. I bought it when I moved to America. Enough?”

“Yes, I think I know that car. Saw it in the parking lot from time to time.”

“Yeah, it’s mine.” Joseph leaned back in the seat.

 

“Could you add your address to the navigation system? Else we’ll get lost.” Sebastian started the engine.

Joseph took the navigation system and tipped. Sebastian took a quick look at the address. “Oh, you’re living in the suburb?”

“Yes, but it’s really close to the city. Only three minutes by car. Well, and another twenty to the police department. I would go by bus but the connection is horrible.”

“I see.” Sebastian stopped at a red traffic light and looked at his partner. “What were you doing here last night. You were far from home.”

Joseph looked down at his shoes. “I… I had an appointment. And I took the bus because I wasn’t in a hurry. After it I thought I could buy some cheese because I’m running low on it and… I never made it to the shop.”

Sebastian stroke Joseph’s arm as he seemed like he would cry again any minute. Then he heard loud honking noises behind him. The traffic light was green.

 

“Gosh, shut up you fuckers…” Sebastian drove on, not without putting his middle finger out the window.

“Do you drive like this with your daughter, too?”

“Hell no. Myra would kill me.” He laughed.

“And I will kill you, if you do this in the job.”

“Sure, sure. Every policeman should drive like this. Fuck the citizens!”

“Then they have at least a reason the shout _Fuck the police!_.” Joseph sighed.

“Fuck everyone.” Sebastian drove on. It took him over half an hour to get out of town, because the traffic was jamming.

 

“Ugh… Finally, we made it to Laurent.” He sighed. “Only a few streets to go, right?”

“Right.” Joseph nodded. “Hudson Street.”

“I see.” Sebastian drove to the street. The navigation system told them that they arrived at their goal.

“Where to go now?”

“Number five.”

Sebastian drove in the parking lot in front of the house. Josephs Toyota was standing there, beside an old Ford.

“I thought you live alone?”

“I do. It’s an apartment building.”

“Am I even allowed to park here?”

Joseph nodded to the obvious sign on the fence. _Parking for residents and visitors._

“Oh. Okay.” Sebastian turned off the engine and bailed out of the car.

Joseph followed him but then took the lead as they entered the garden of the house.

“Nice garden”, Sebastian said.

“It’s not mine. The old lady downstairs takes care of it. I sometimes help her, because she got arthritis in her hands.” Joseph smiled a little. “Mrs Downing. She is a nice old cat-lady.”

“How many?”

“Five.” Joseph put out the keys of his trousers.

“We’ve only got one.” Sebastian laughed. “Don’t ever get Lily here.”

“You never said that you’ve got a cat.”

“I didn’t? Well, it’s actually Lily’s. She wanted it so badly and she really takes good care of her… for a five-year-old.”

Joseph smiled a little and unlocked the door. “Fifth floor.”

“No elevator?!”

“No, you’ll have to walk.”

“Damn it.”

 

They went up all the stairs until they reached Joseph’s apartment. Sebastian was a little out of breath but Joseph calmly unlocked the door.

“You should stop smoking.”, he said, while entering.

“Hey, I’m down to one cigarette per day!” Sebastian pouted, while following him.

Joseph’s apartment looked like it was straight out of a furniture shop advertisement. He immediately entered a wide and open room with big bright windows which were decorated by plain blue curtains and some plants. On the left side was an open kitchen with a large bar and fitting chairs. Next to it stood a table with four chairs. On the right side was a comfortable looking couch, which’s dark blue matched the atmosphere of the room perfectly. In front of it was a small couch table. There also stood a TV and a shelf with some books and DVD’s. A large palm plant stood in a corner.

“Wow, nice”, was Sebastian’s comment to all of that.

“It’s nothing. Just… my home.” Joseph seemed a little embarrassed. “I’ll take the food with me, okay? I can cook something for you and if I leave it here, it will spoil.”

“Sure. Can I help you with something?”

“You could pack the food into bags. I’ve got some under the sink. I’ll grab some clothes and other stuff.”

“Kay… can I use the bathroom first?”, Sebastian asked.

“Sure, it’s right here.” Joseph pointed to a door next to the entrance.

“Thanks.” Sebastian entered the bathroom. He was a bit scared to piss in a room like that because it looked so damn sterile. But the bathtub looked comfortable as fuck. Joseph even added a plastic pillow to one side and it was large… he’d surely enjoy time with Myra in there and Joseph probably had some fun, too. It was strange to imagine Joseph having sex with another guy in there so he wiped off the image immediately.

Trying to be well-behaved, he sat down on the toilet. Maybe Joseph had a small problem with cleaning… or he just didn’t have any hobbies. He probably needed a boyfriend.

 

Sebastian flushed and even washed his hands. Above the sink was a mirror and a little shelf. With a bit of curiosity, he looked through the stuff standing there. Next to a toothbrush and toothpaste stood some perfume bottles. Not the ones that he owned. The expensive ones like Chanel or Lancôme. The first in the row was a clear bottle from Chanel, named Cristalle. He opened and put a little bit on his finger. Yes, this was definitely the scent he was wearing. It wasn’t to feminine, actually and it suited him.

He put the bottle back and left the bathroom. Joseph vanished, probably to the bedroom, so Sebastian searched for some bags and started to pack the food. When he was finished Joseph still didn’t come back so he entered the bedroom.

 

Joseph was sitting on his bed, staring holes into the air. He had packed some clothes in a black suitcase but something stopped him from continuing.

“Joseph? Is everything alright?”

He twitched a little and looked at him. “Oh… Sebastian. Didn’t hear you coming.”

“What’s up?”

“Just… got caught in thoughts.” Joseph stood up.

Sebastian’s eyes, still fixated on the bed now made out something. “You’re… still sleeping with a teddy bear?” It seemed a bit strange to him.

“It… was a present.” Joseph looked at him and suddenly he had tears in his eyes again.

“Hey… don’t cry.” Sebastian immediately hugged him.

“But I want to”, Joseph whispered. “I never really could.”

Sebastian held him tighter. “You can tell me everything.”

“I can’t.” Joseph buried his head in Sebastian’s chest. “It hurts.”

“Maybe it will get better when you say it.” Sebastian stroked his hair. “Only if you want.”

“I miss him…” Joseph now really cried. He was sobbing and put off his glasses.

“Who?”, Sebastian asked carefully.

Joseph slowly let go of him and went to his bedside table. Three photos were standing there. Joseph took the left one and then came back to him.

“We… we were so happy…”, he said quietly.

Sebastian took the picture. It showed younger Joseph in the arms of another guy. He had light brown hair and a big smile on his face. He somehow seemed familiar to him.

“Your boyfriend?”, Sebastian asked, despite it was obvious.

Joseph nodded. “I met him when I moved here… you met him too.”

“Yes, he seems familiar to me… but I can’t remember.”

“Of course you can’t.”, Joseph said with a sad smile. “He was just another case for you.”

“Wait…” Sebastian suddenly felt almost as empty as he felt this morning when he heard what happened to Joseph. “You mean… he…?”

“Not that big of a deal, you called it… when you came back to the department.” Joseph sat down on the bed and grabbed the teddy bear. “Of course it wasn’t. Just a regular car accident. The guilty one in hospital. Will survive. The victim won’t. We see things like that all day long. It isn’t a big deal to us.” Now he cried again. “I heard it from you, you know? I will never forget these words: _Accident in Kensington Street today. Some guy crashed into another one’s car. He had to suffer a lot before he died it seems, but the ambulance came too late. What a shame, he was only 20 years old. What was his name again? Fred Kimberland, or something like that._ …or something like that…” Joseph sniffed. “A part of me died in that moment. I hoped so much you mixed up some names. But you didn’t. It was true.”

“Joseph…” Sebastian sat down next to him and laid an arm around his shoulders.

“You don’t remember, do you? We weren’t even partners back then. I just heard it by chance. How high are the chances…?”

“I… I don’t remember, you’re right.” Sebastian held him tighter. “Fuck… you’ve been through a lot in your life.”

“Maybe…” Joseph pressed the teddy bear tight on his chest. “He was the only one… who truly loved me. I can never let him go. I need him by my side, even if it’s only this stupid teddy bear he won for me at the carnival.”

“I understand…” Sebastian closed his eyes. “I… I don’t even want to imagine what that feels like.”

“I hope you’ll never know.” Joseph took his hand and stroked over his wedding ring. “I won’t lie. I’m envious. You’ve got pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to be sorry for being happy.” Joseph rested his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “I have to be sorry for wanting so much.”

“You don’t.” Sebastian pulled him tight in his arms. “It’s only natural for you to want such things.”

“Maybe.” Joseph freed himself from him and stood up, putting his glasses back on. He put back the picture and then continued packing.

“I could try to help you”, Sebastian said thoughtfully. “You know, there’re a lot of dating websites online. We could make you a profile.”

“You know… that’s nice of you, but… I don’t think I want that. Not since last night.”

Sebastian felt stupid. How could he be so rude? “Sure! Sure! I just… I thought you’d maybe… forget it.”

“I wouldn’t mind to have a loving relationship again some day.” Joseph looked at him. “But for now, I’d rather stay alone and fight my demons.”

“I’ll help you. No matter what may come.”

“Thank you.” Joseph smiled a little. “I’d really like to stay for a while at your place… but you can kick me out anytime, if it’s bothering you.”

“You won’t bother me. Don’t overthink everything.”

Joseph nodded. “I’ll grab some washroom stuff. You can bring down the food to the car, if you want. I’ll come in a few minutes.”

“Okay, sounds good.” Sebastian stood up, taking a last glance at the photographs on the bedside table. Next to the one with his former boyfriend also was a picture showing even younger Joseph with an old Asian man, probably his grandfather he talked about. The last one showed Joseph and himself on the Christmas stuff party a few years ago, wearing their ugly sweaters for the contest. Joseph even looked dapper in his bright red reindeer sweater.

With a little smile, Sebastian headed back to the kitchen, grabbing the bags and going downstairs. He loaded them in the back of his car, where he had to shove many of Lily’s toys into a corner. Then he sat down on the driving seat, waiting for Joseph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I enjoy letting Joseph suffer too much?  
> ...  
> Nnnaaaahh! XP
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	6. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph finally tells Sebastian what really happened in the evening...

Joseph came down a few minutes later. He loaded his suitcase in the trunk and sat down next to Sebastian. “I’m ready.”

“Good to hear.” Sebastian started the engine and drove in the direction of his house. 

At first, they both were quiet but then Sebastian took the word. “I don’t have to work this weekend… just like you, obviously. We wanted to go to the zoo. Wanna come with us?”

“Sure. I’d love to.” Joseph smiled a little. 

“Alright.” Sebastian smiled back. “You could draw some animals.”

“I could.” Joseph nodded. “If you want me to.”

“You said it clears your mind. Might help.”

“Thank you, Doctor Castellanos.”

“Heh… don’t make fun of me. I’m really trying to help.”

“I know. And I’m grateful.” Joseph sighed a little. “I just want you to know that… I didn’t want to hurt you in that way I did. I know that you are my friend and of course I knew you care about me and that you probably just forgot your phone, like always.” He sniffed, nearly bursting into tears again. “I didn’t realize what I was saying. I was in panic.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Sebastian took a brief look at him. “I deserve to feel guilty.”

“No! You couldn’t know…”

“But I could fucking fuck my wife!” Sebastian brushed his face, nearly in tears by himself. He had to drive to the curbside and stop the car. His hands were shaking.

“Sebastian…” Joseph took his right hand, gently stroking over it. 

“I… I’m sorry.” Sebastian looked at him, tried to fake a smile, but couldn’t.

“You don’t have to feel guilty.”

“But I do!” Sebastian now cried, supporting his forehead by his hand. Joseph just took the other one, permanently stroking it. He didn’t say anything, but his forgiveness was also comforting.

“You did safe my life more then once”, Joseph finally said. “With knowing and without knowing. I am suicidal and it was dumb from me to leave therapy and cross out the meds. It’s not your fault, it’s my own. Maybe I could have acted clearer, if I still took my meds. But I didn’t.”

“It was not your fault that you got raped and needed help!” Sebastian put out an old used tissue of his trouser pocket, drying his eyes.

“It actually was my fault that it happened”, Joseph said quietly.

Sebastian looked at him in shock. “You… wanna tell me?”

Joseph closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I… I went to a blind date party.”

“You? I didn’t expect you to be the type of doing such stuff.”

“It was my first one.” Joseph looked down on his fingers. “I got an invitation. Just an advertising mail that probably everyone in Krimson and surroundings got. It said they’d throw a huge blind date party including rooms for all sexualities and genders. I… I just thought…” He shrugged. “I don’t even know. Maybe I thought I’d finally be able to move on over everything and find a new love. It’s pretty silly to expect something like that out of a blind date party, but… I guess I’m desperate and alone, I’m allowed to be like that. Well… I went there and… well… there were lots of gross guys, searching for a one-night-stand. So I left pretty fast. But one of the guys I was talking to… he followed me. And… got himself what he wanted.”

“Did you tell the police?”

Joseph shook his head. “I was too ashamed. I just got what I deserve for being so stupid.”

“Don’t ever say that again! We’re driving to the department now and you’re gonna tell them! This is a huge clue, we’ll be able to catch that pig!”

“I don’t want to tell them! I don’t want to know them…!” Joseph also raised his voice.

“Don’t you want to get this guy punished?!”

“I want to keep my job!”

“What has that to do with the case?!”

“Don’t you get it?! I am fucking gay! You don’t know how this works, but I do! No one wants a gay detective! They fucking get rid of people like me! They don’t have compassion anymore, they’ll say _He is gay. He likes that_. And what if you catch that guy?! He’ll only say _That’s what he wanted_ and people will believe him! I’ll lose my job! I’ll lose everything I’ve fought for!”

“Calm the fuck down!” Sebastian seized his shoulders and shook him a little. “Nothing like that will happen. You’re overacting.”

“I’m overacting?” Joseph smiled a little. “Why, do you think, have I left Canada?”

Sebastian just glared at him, slowly letting go. He couldn’t believe that. “They… they bullied you out?”

“You can call it like that. I was always hard-working. Tried my best. But it was never good enough. They just wanted to get rid of me, searching my mistakes.” Joseph looked at him with a sad smile. “I came here to restart. And I don’t want to screw that up. I don’t want to move away again, somewhere nobody knows me. I… I finally have a best friend and I don’t want to lose that.”

“You consider us as best friends?”

“N-no… I… just friends. Normal friends.” Joseph blushed a little. “Partners…”

“I’d love to be your bestie.” Sebastian padded his shoulder with a smile. “It’s okay. Let’s just drive home and get dinner.”

Joseph nodded. “Yes. Let’s do that.”

 

Sebastian took a deep breath. “Wait a second.” He cranked down the window and put out a cigarette pack from his pocket. “I’m sorry, but I need that now.”

“Give me one.”

Sebastian looked at Joseph with surprise. He never saw him smoke before. “You sure?”

“Yes, just give me one.” Joseph cranked down his window as well.

Sebastian handed him a cigarette and took one for himself. Then he put out the lighter and lighted up the cigarette. It was a relief to taste the nicotine and it relaxed his body a little. 

“Here.” He handed Joseph the lighter. 

Joseph lighted up his cigarette, immediately coughing. 

Sebastian padded his back. “You aren’t a smoker, Jo. Why are you doing this to you?”

Joseph sighed. “Was a stupid idea, I guess.”

“It was.” Sebastian took Josephs cigarette, smoking the two of them together.

“Seb, that’s not healthy.” 

“Oh, you’re playing the moralizer now?”

“I’m sorry.” Joseph sighed. He leaned back and closed his eyes. 

Sebastian laid a hand on his cheek. “Oh my… you’re hot. You’ve got temperature.” He felt his forehead, too.

“I feel a little exhausted, nothing more.” Joseph smiled a little.

“And I say you’ve got temperature. Well, I guess it’s no wonder that that happened.”

“I’m sorry… now I’m also getting ill… I’m causing so much trouble.” 

“Just shut up.” Sebastian threw out the smoked cigarettes of the window and drove on. 

They didn’t take too long to come home. Sebastian helped Joseph carrying his stuff to the guestroom and brought his food to the kitchen. Kitty, Lily’s cat, finally showed up too. She didn’t seem to like Joseph and hissed at him, as he tried to stroke her.

“Huh, she normally likes people.”, Sebastian wondered.

“Animals never like me. I don’t know why though.” Joseph sighed. 

“Don’t be so pessimistic.” Sebastian went back to the kitchen, asking Juanita how long dinner would take.

“It’s finished in about 20 minutes”, she responded.

“Thank you.” Sebastian went back to Joseph. He sat down on the couch in the living room, visibly exhausted. 

“Want anything to drink, partner?”

“Yes… some water would be nice.”

“Sparkling?”

“Quiet.” 

“Alrighty.” 

Sebastian brought Joseph a glass full of water, sitting down next to him. Joseph took a little sip. “Thank you.”

“Anything for my partner.” Sebastian leaned back. “Myra will be here soon and dinner is ready in about 20 minutes. You could still take a bath, if you want to though.”

“I do want to.” Joseph stood up again, putting his glass down. Sebastian stood up too. He showed Joseph the bathroom and handed him a towel. 

“Just remove the toys”, he said with a little giggle since the whole bathtub was filled with Lily’s rubber duck collection.

“I will.” Joseph smiled a little. 

“Make yourself at home.” Sebastian smiled back, leaving the bathroom. Exhausted himself he dropped down on the couch. He needed some whiskey now but he told himself to wait until his daughter was asleep.

A little later he heard the familiar sound of the front door. He stood up immediately, needing his wife now more than ever. Myra didn’t even get the chance to say something or put her jacket off. He just hugged her tight, not wanting to ever let go again. She didn’t ask. She just held him and stroked his back.

“I love you”, he whispered.

“I love you too.” She laid down a hand on his cheek, kissing him softly.

“Dinner is almost ready”, Sebastian said, trying to put himself back together.

“How’s Lily?”

“Playing in her room, probably painting everything.”

“And Joseph?”

“Taking a bath.”

“Good.” Myra finally put off her jacket. “How… is he doing?”

“Terribly.” Sebastian looked down on the floor. “He is a mess. And I think I am too.”

“Oh dear…” Myra hugged him again.

“Would you be disappointed if I smoked more than one cigarette today?”

“No. These are different circumstances. Don’t worry about that right now. You can try to stop when everything calmed down.”

“Thank you.” He let her go again, immediately going outside and lightening up another cigarette.

Myra followed him, holding his free hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’ve learned many sad things about Joseph today. He’s been through so much shit in his life… he doesn’t deserve it.”

“I guess nobody deserves to be raped.”

“Sure! But…” Sebastian let out a desperate sniffing sound. “He is so sad. And that hurts me because I fucking love this guy.”

Myra stroked his hand. “Joseph is a wonderful person, you’re right. And we’ll take good care of him. He won’t be sad any longer.”

“I wish it was that easy.” Sebastian looked at her. “He’s suicidal… not always in control. I’m so afraid he’ll… do stuff… and I’m not able to help him.”

Myra laid an arm around his waist, gently pulling him close to her. “That won’t happen. He is with us and we’ll watch over him.”

“Thank you. It might get hard though…”

“I don’t care. Joseph would do the same for us.”

“Of course he would.”

Myra gave him a little kiss. “How’s he getting along with Lily?”

“Just fine. He had to put his handprint on her wall.” Sebastian smiled a little. “Maybe she is the one who can help him best. He seemed pretty happy while playing with her.”

“Maybe he should get children.” Myra sighed. “But he is alone, right?”

“Alone and gay.”

“Oh!” Myra grinned. “I knew it! Now Oscar owes my fifty bucks.” 

“Wait… you betted with Connelly that Joseph is gay?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

“I had my suspicions but Oscar betted he was straight.” Myra laughed. “Guess I won.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

Myra looked at him in surprise. “Why?”

“Because he doesn’t want anyone to know.” Sebastian squeezed out his cigarette. “He’s been bullied out of the last department he’s worked at because of that. He’s afraid it will happen again.”

“But that’s bullshit. Brian is gay too and nobody says anything against that.”

“I know.” Sebastian sighed. “But I can’t hurt Joseph’s trust like that. He needs his time to calm down. Then we can talk about that again. He needs to tell the department, because it’s fucking important, but he needs to do it himself. I don’t want to force him.”

“Why is it so important, Sebastian?” Myra looked at him with a sharp glance.

“Because it’s the only way to catch that pig who’s raped him… it would be so easy if he just told the department what happened. I… I’d love to do the little research myself. But I would risk my badge.”

“He told you what happened?”

Sebastian nodded. “I’ll try to convince him to tell everyone but not today. He’s exhausted and I’m exhausted. I just want to eat something and then got to sleep.”

“Alright.” Myra stroked his cheek. “I’ll hold you.”

Sebastian smiled at his wife. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“You’ll always have me.”

They kissed again, Sebastian finally relaxing a bit. He felt so safe and calm in Myra’s arms. He never wanted to end the kiss and face this rough day again. But then Juanita called for dinner and they finally let go of each other.

“I love you”, Myra said with a smile, stroking his shoulder.

“I love you too.” Sebastian gave her another little kiss, then entered the house again, holding her hand.

 

Lily already was sitting on the table, waiting hungrily. “Foood!”

Sebastian had to smile a little. “Is Joseph not here yet?”

Juanita shook her head, putting the food on the table. “Probably didn’t hear me calling.”

“Probably.” Sebastian went to the bathroom, still holding Myra’s hand so that she had no choice but to come with him.

“Joseph?” Sebastian knocked on the door. No response. “Dinner is ready!” He knocked again but Joseph showed no reaction. 

The detective was getting nervous. All kind of worst scenarios were running through his head. “Joseph, open the door!” He was knocking harder now, letting Myra go to use both hands but still he didn’t get any response from Joseph. 

“Fuck!” Sebastian tried to keep calm but he couldn’t. He kicked against the door and it made a very protesting sound.

“I’m getting the spare key.”, Myra said, running off. Sebastian was happy of her acting so clear. He would have broken the door down, if she didn’t.

 

Myra came back with the keys. Sebastian took them, unlocking the door as fast as he could and opening it up.

The relief that hit his body was warm and felt unbelievably good. Joseph was lying in the bathtub, eyes closed and earphones in, listening to music from his phone probably.

As Sebastian stepped in he looked up, putting out the earphones immediately. Before he could say anything Sebastian just ran to him, hugging him tight, not bothering getting wet.

“S-Sebastian…?!” Joseph sounded completely embarrassed and when he let him go again, he saw that Joseph’s face turned to the color of a tomato.

He heard Myra giggling from the door case. “Seb, let the poor guy go.”

“I’m sorry.” Sebastian scratched his head. “You weren’t responding and I was so worried that… never mind.”

“Oh.” Joseph looked down. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put earphones in. I’m just used to do this while bathing.”

“It’s okay… dinner is ready by the way.”

“I’ll come. Now could you two please get out before this gets even more embarrassing?” 

Now Sebastian had to grin. “Ah, don’t worry, you’re beautiful.”

“Get out!”

As Sebastian had left the room and closed the door behind him, he leaned against it with a relieved sigh.

“Well that was interesting.” Myra grinned at him.

“That was horrible. I was scared to death.” Sebastian now had to grin to. “Gosh, he is such a shy guy. As if he had to hide his body…”

“How would you react if he came in while you’re bathing and just hugged you without an obvious reason?”

“I don’t know. Ask him to scrub my back?”

Myra slapped his head. “Moron.”

“He sure made me wet.” Sebastian put out his tongue.

“You actually wetted yourself. It wasn’t his fault.”

“Well… that’s true.” Sebastian looked at his wet shirt. “I’ll go change clothes, I guess.”

“I’m gonna help you, detective.”

“Oh, will you?” Sebastian grinned, gently kissing her. The relief of Joseph doing well was overwhelmed by the love for his wife now. 

“It’s a pity your pants aren’t wet.”, Myra whispered against his lips.

“Well, they’re my work clothes… I might change into something more comfortable.” He grinned at her.

“That’s a great idea.” Myra was already unbuttoning his shirt. “But we have to be quick.”

“We will.” Sebastian shoved her to the bedroom, locking the door behind them. At this moment, he didn’t care about what Juanita or Joseph might think or if Lily would be angry because dinner would be delayed. He just pushed Myra onto the bed, needing her now to feel loved and to calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still... bullying my favorite characters is one of my biggest hobbys. I'm sorry. uvu
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	7. Counting Elephants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sleepless night and some help...

When they came back to the kitchen they noticed in surprise that Joseph wasn’t there yet. They hurried up but sure took their time. How could it be that he was slower than them?

“I’m so hungry!” Lily pouted.

“Just eat, darling.” Sebastian smiled at her. “I’m gonna look after Jo-Jo.” The worries were back in no second. While Myra was sitting down Sebastian went back to the bathroom, entering without knocking.

Joseph was sitting on the ground, wrapped in the towel. He didn’t even put on clothes yet, not even his glasses. He just stared into emptiness.

“Joseph?” Sebastian kneeled down. He looked at him but it was apathetic. It horrified him. “Partner? You hear me?”

Joseph blinked, obviously getting clearer again. “Oh… Sebastian. What…?”

“You started dreaming again.”

“Did I?” Joseph rubbed his eyes.

“Just get dressed already. Dinner is waiting.” Sebastian smiled a little.

“Oh shit… I’m sorry! I… got lost somehow.”

“I noticed that.” Sebastian chuckled. “I didn’t know you were such a dreamer.”

“It’s not actually dreaming. I’m just thinking too much.” Joseph scratched his head. This movement lowered the towel, exposing his torso. Sebastian had to gulp. There were too many scars of self-harm he didn’t even notice before. No wonder Joseph didn’t want to shower with them in the department…

“So… you’re scratching yourself?”

“Yes… that happens.” Joseph pulled back the towel but he couldn’t hide what Sebastian already had seen.

“How about… you don’t?”

“I’ll try.” Joseph sighed.

“Please do.” Sebastian hugged him again.

“Could you please stop hugging me while I’m naked?” Joseph now sounded a bit more like his normal self again.

Sebastian grinned. “You don’t have to be ashamed.”, he said, while pulling him closer.

“No, apparently you have to be!” Joseph tried to free himself but Sebastian didn’t let him go. “Please just stop it!”

“Beg me.”

“I am begging you!”

“A little bit more.”

“Get off me!” Joseph kicked his stomach, pushing him away with force and then crouched down, breathing hard.

“Jo… I… I’m sorry.” Sebastian immediately knew he made a mistake.

“You’re just saying the same things he did… I don’t want to hear that from your mouth again!”

Sebastian felt the emptiness coming back. “I… I…” He didn’t even find words anymore.

“Listen, I know you’ve been kidding, but I don’t find it very funny.”

“I… I’m so sorry. I just… Can I… do something else for you?”

“You could leave and let me get dressed.”

Sebastian nodded, getting up on his feet again.

“And… sorry for kicking you.” Joseph got up as well. “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head. “I’m good. Saving you a seat.”

“I’ll come in a minute.”

Sebastian left the bathroom, sitting down in the kitchen quietly. Myra looked at him. “Joseph?”

“Will be coming soon.” Suddenly feeling like starving, Sebastian took a big piece of Juanita’s special made Mexican Manicotti. The taste of it and the aftermath of his quicky with Myra made him feel at least a little better.

Finally Joseph entered the room, dressed up in fresh clothes, got his hair done, smelling like Chanel again. But his look couldn’t really hide his condition. He was pale and his voice trembled a little as he excused himself for being too late. He didn’t eat much but politely emptied his plate, praising how good it tasted. Juanita was pleased.

 

After dinner Juanita left and Myra brought Lily to bed. She didn’t want to but of course nobody cared. Myra was reading her a bedtime story while Joseph unpacked his stuff, making himself at home in the guestroom. Sebastian helped him but they both were quiet. As they finished Sebastian quietly wished Joseph a good night. He returned it and gave him at least a little smile.

Completely exhausted, Sebastian entered his bedroom. He immediately put all his clothes off, except his briefs, throwing them on the floor. Then he crawled onto his bedside, covering himself up to the nose with his blanket. He knew he maybe should brush his teeth, wash himself or whatever but he just couldn’t. He just wanted to sleep and thank god he fell asleep pretty fast.

 

When Sebastian awoke, it was still dark. Myra was sleeping next to him, snoring silently. It made him smile a little.

He took a look at the alarm clock. 3:12am. Wonderful.

Since he was fully awake Sebastian quietly stood up. On this time, nobody would bother if he allowed himself a glass of whiskey. Or maybe two.

As he was on his way to the living room he suddenly bumped into Joseph who was wearing a plain T-Shirt and shorts. The younger one looked quite pale and had tears in his eyes as he looked at him, murmuring a quiet “Sorry”.

“You’re still awake?”, Sebastian asked carefully. Joseph nodded. “Is… everything okay?” It was a dumb question. The dumbest question ever, probably.

“I’m okay.”

“You were crying.”

“Yes… I…” Joseph blushed a little. “I just found out that going to the toilet is really painful. I’m okay.”

“Oh!” Sebastian scratched his head. “Well, sorry to hear that.”

“Why are you awake?”

“I don’t know. I woke up without a reason.” Sebastian shrugged.

“At least you could sleep.” Joseph smiled a little. “I was afraid you were rolling around just like I did.”

“So you haven’t even slept yet?”

“I… I just can’t.” Joseph sighed. “I can’t turn off the light. I feel so unsafe.”

“You are safe here.”

“Tell that to my anxiety.”

“You’re safe here, Joseph’s anxiety.”

Now his partner had to smile a little. “Hey… uhm… Sebastian. Since you’re awake… maybe you could… come to my room and… and stay until I fall asleep… No… I… I’m sorry. That was a stupid idea.”

“It’s not. I’ll come.” Sebastian smiled while walking to the guestroom. Joseph followed him and they got inside.

Joseph did leave the light on and also the bedside lamp. The bed really looked like he was rolling around all the time.

“Oh my.” Sebastian padded his shoulder. “Let’s get this off first.” He shut off the light so that the room was only lightened by the bedside lamp. Joseph moved over to him.

“Don’t worry. If there’s something luring in the dark I’ll punch it.”

“Good to hear.” Joseph smiled a little. He sat down on the bed, looking even paler in the dim light.

Sebastian sat down next to him. “Maybe it’s a little because of the weather. It’s getting really hot again.”

“Possible… but I don’t think so. I actually feel cold and empty.”

“Then I’ll warm you up.” Sebastian laid an arm around him.

“Could you please put on a shirt at least?”

“What, aren’t I sexy enough for Mister Oda?” Sebastian crossed his arms.

Joseph rolled his eyes. “You’re sweating. That’s gross.”

“Sorry for being hot.” Sebastian sighed and stood up again. “I’m back in a minute.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Joseph tucked up his legs.

Sebastian went back to the bedroom and grabbed his T-shirt from the ground. He took a little look at his peacefully sleeping wife before he returned to Joseph.

“Better?”

His partner nodded and laid down, staring at the ceiling.

Sebastian sat down on the bed. “Shall I read you a bedtime story?”

“Funny.”

“No, I mean it. It might make you tired and calm.”

“I doubt that.” Joseph took off his glasses, placing them on the bedside table. “I can’t feel calm. Not at the moment.”

Sebastian laid down next to him. “Then I will stay.”

“You… want to sleep in the bed with me?” Joseph looked at him quite surprised.

“If it helps, sure.”

“That… that might help.” Joseph put up the pink fairy blanket, covering them both.

“Then I’ll do this.” Sebastian turned off the bedside lamp. Now on complete darkness Joseph seemed to be scared again. He moved a little closer to him, almost close enough to touch him.

Sebastian turned to him, embosoming him tight. Joseph at first was a little stiff but then he relaxed and leaned his head against his chest.

“I’m here, Joseph.”, Sebastian leaned his head against his partner’s. “And I won’t allow anyone to hurt you again.”

Joseph didn’t say anything but moved a little closer. Sebastian felt his heart beating hard. He had to be really scared…

“Try to calm down. Count sheep something like that.”

“Sheep?” Joseph looked up with a little smirk.

“Or elephants, I don’t care.” Sebastian stroked his cheek. “Just take a deep breath, close your eyes and count… whatever you like to count.”

Joseph laid down his head on him again, closing his eyes. Having him in his arms like this, Sebastian noticed how slim he had become. His partner had never been fat but now he seemed almost underweighted.

“You have to eat more, partner.”

Sebastian didn’t get a response. Actually surprised he noticed that Joseph already had fallen asleep. His chest was moving slowly and his mouth stood a little open.

“My, my. So all you needed was a little bit of body warmth?” Sebastian stroked through his hair with a smile. He thought about leaving but it seemed wrong. Joseph could only sleep so calm because he promised to protect him.

Sebastian closed his eyes, dozing a little. From minute to minute his eyes got heavier until he also fell asleep again.

 

When Sebastian awoke, the sun had already started to rise. The clock on the wall showed him that it was 5:34am. He should get up in about half an hour.

Joseph was still sleeping, head and one arm on Sebastian’s chest. He snored a little but it was barely to hear.

Sebastian smiled a little. It didn’t seem like he woke up again. At least he did get some rest.

 

Time passed and now the clock was showing 6:00am. Sebastian carefully moved but Joseph sniveled immediately, clawing onto him.

“Joseph… I have to work today. Let me go.”

Of course Joseph didn’t hear him. He was still sleeping but now fretful.

“Joseph… let go.”

“D-don’t… go…” For a moment Sebastian thought Joseph awoke, but he was still sleeping, now even talking in sleep.

“I have to go.”

“I… I love you…”

Sebastian freezed. Joseph was dreaming. He must have confounded him with his former boyfriend… the one who died. It made his heart feel heavy. He just couldn’t leave now and take him the illusion. Not in his dream. He deserved to be happy, at least in there.

“I… I love you too.”, He said quietly. Joseph was smiling now, finally relaxing and letting go of him. “I’m so sorry.”, He added.

It made him feel so bad. He didn’t even dare to imagine how he would feel, if Myra died.

 

Now freed from his partner he was finally able to stand up. He left the room quietly, closing the door behind him. Then he went back to the bedroom.

Myra was up, putting out her uniform of the closet as he was entering. She seemed a little surprised.

“Where have you been?”

“Joseph.” Sebastian sighed. “Bumped into him tonight, we both couldn’t sleep. Well, he was asleep pretty fast when I hugged him. The poor guy definitely needs a boyfriend.”

“I don’t think so.” Myra looked at him with her serious face. “He needs a friend who’s just there. A place where he doesn’t need to be ashamed of himself. Someone who doesn’t judge him or his needs. But… most important: Someone who keeps him alive. And you know this is you.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit exaggerated?”

“Sebastian, I have worked as a nurse in Beacon before I started my police career. I know a lot about suicidal and depressed people.” Myra closed her wardrobe. “Joseph definitely needs help. Professional help and your help. It’s too much for him to handle alone. He fought his way through life preventing everything, probably using work to abstract himself. But such behavior can’t work forever. Sooner or later a meltdown had to come. And it will come again, if he continues like that. It’s good that he talks to you now. Talking about incising events is the first step to overcome them.”

“He… he has been through so much and I think he didn’t even tell me everything yet.” Sebastian looked down. “Will I be able to protect him? Will I be able to safe him?”

“It’s a huge responsibility. But you can’t just pass it on to someone else. You’re his attachment figure. His partner. His friend. Probably the only one he truly trusts.” Myra smiled a little. “Yes, you have his life in your hands now. And if you screwed it up, it would end badly. But I’m sure you won’t. I bet you prevented him from suicide more than once without even knowing it. Just because you were there and fought his loneliness.”

“That’s a lot of pressure…” Sebastian scratched his head. “But well, I’m used to it through the job.”

“You’ll do great.” Myra gave him a kiss.

“You know what’s the worst thing that happened to him?” Sebastian took her hand, stroking over the wedding ring. “His boyfriend died. His true love he was happy with. Just whipped out by a car accident. He didn’t even had a chance to say goodbye.”

“That… that is truly horrible.” Myra took both of his hands.

“I couldn’t… I just don’t know what I would do, if you…” Sebastian hugged her tight stroking through her hair. He loved it when she opened it up to full length but normally she tied it up, for the job of course.

“I’m fine, Sebastian.”

“What if you get hit by a gunshot today?”

“We live with this risk. Everyone is mortal, Sebastian. Worrying like that won’t help. It will only drive you mad.”

“You’re right.” Sebastian took a deep breath. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She gave him a kiss.

 

They used the bathroom together on this day, taking a long and relaxing shower. It set them under time pressure but it was definitely worth it. In the end, they jogged to the department. At least Myra did. Sebastian took a breather after every three seconds.

 

Since Joseph was absent, Sebastian had to be on the beat with Brian. That came in very handy for him, since he did want to talk with his older colleague.

They were driving through the city, Brian on the wheel since everyone in the department knew about Sebastian’s driving habits.

“Hey… uhm… did you hear about… what happened?”, Sebastian asked carefully after a while.

“No, I didn’t. And I don’t want to ask what’s going on. It seems very serious. But since you’re good friends with Joseph, please wish him all the best from me.” That was typically Brian. Always the calm and friendly pacifist.

“I will, thank you.” Sebastian looked out the window, taking a deep breath. “So… I want to talk about something… you’re gay.”

“Do you have a problem with that? I never noticed.”

“No, no, it’s not like that!” He looked back at his colleague. “I just have this friend who’s gay and…”

“ _Friend_?” Brian took a brief look at him. “That almost sounds like you’re searching for an excuse to talk about yourself.”

“I’m not. I love my wife and I never had the urge to… you know.” Sebastian sighed. “No, it’s really about a friend.”

“I see. How can I help your friend?”

“You know… it’s difficult. I would tell you everything but… that would hurt his trust.”

“So you’re talking about Joseph?”

“I… if I don’t say yes, but also don’t deny it, does it count as I haven’t said anything then?”

Brian had to laugh. “Fair enough, I guess.”

“Okay. Wow, this is fucking difficult.” Sebastian sighed again.

“You could just tell me what’s going on. I won’t pass it on.”

“I’ll shoot you, if you do.”

“Fair enough. How about we stop at McDonald’s, get some food at the drive-in and then have a talk in the parking lot?” Brian gave him a little smile.

“Sounds perfect. I’m so done with always eating healthy to be a role model to my daughter.”

“I won’t tell your little girl, don’t worry.” Brian was laughing and then driving off the road to the McDonald’s restaurant. He ordered two big meals with coke and paid for both. Then he parked the car in the parking lot and handed Sebastian over his bag of food.

“Thanks man, I’ll give you the money later.”

“I don’t want your money. I’m just here with you, because I want to help Joseph.” Brian smiled a little. “I’ve always liked him.”

Sebastian stopped biting in his burger, looking at Brian. “Like-liked him?”

“Not in that way. I’m settled.” Brian showed him a silver ring on his finger.

“I shee.”, Sebastian mumbled while eating. “So…” He swallowed the piece of fast-food and then looked out the window. It was easier, if he didn’t have to look at him. “Joseph got raped.”

“Oh no…” Brian sounded plain shocked.

“Yeah and… he told me something, you know?” Sebastian looked back at him. “He doesn’t want the department to know that he’s gay, so he doesn’t tell the truth. But… if he did, they could catch this asshole. I’m honestly close to just go find out myself and beat this pig up.”

“How could his coming out help?”

“Because he got raped because he was dating… kind of. And he is too ashamed to tell… thinks he deserves it. I… I don’t know. I want to help him so bad.” Sebastian sighed, comforting himself with another bite of the burger.

“I see the problem there.” Brian took a sip of his coke. “But how can I help?”

“Well… you’re gay.”

“That is true, but won’t help him.”

“Maybe… you could talk to him. Tell him that the department will accept it and he won’t lose his job or get bullied.”

“I shall lie?”

Sebastian looked at him. “What?”

Brian smiled a little. “You know, I get bullied every day, especially from the younger ones. And the chief is much more severe with me than others. The acceptance is there, yes, but it’s not equality.”

“Fuck.” Sebastian leaned back. “Then Joseph will never tell.”

“Well… what did he tell you?”

“He went to a blind date party.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Well, I guess it’s not so far from Kensington Street.”

“Luther Place.”

Sebastian looked at him. “How do you know?”

“I got a mail that said that there was a blind date party.”

“Yeah, he said it was because of a mail…” Sebastian looked at his burger.

Brian smiled at him. “Let’s go there and ask. We’ll find out in no time who it was.”

“Are you serious? It could cost you your badge.”

“Well, I think that’s worth it. Don’t you think that?”

“Hell yes, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff and a friendly colleague! x3  
> I really hope you like it so far. :D
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	8. The Rapist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian finally finds the guy who raped Joseph...

They entered Luther Place only about six minutes later. It was the largest meeting point in the center of Krimson City and had a new and modern flair.

A young woman with brown curly hair and a bright blue skirt came to them with a big smile. “Good morning, gentleman. How can I help you?”

“Police.” Sebastian showed his badge. “We need to ask a few questions.”

“Oh no! Did something happen?”

“Please just answer our questions, Miss.”

“Coltraine. Alice Coltraine.” She shook his hand. “I’m here to help, so ask me what you want to know.”

“There was a blind date party here.”

“Yes, indeed. We wanted to do something for everyone!”

“Well, with the gay ones… it seems some guys misbehaved.”

“Yes, we noticed that too. It wasn’t that worse though.”

“It was. One of our guests got raped by another.”

“Oh my god!” Now the smile vanished from Alice Coltraine’s face. She really looked like she cared.

“Do you have something like an address list of the people who’ve been there?”

“No, everyone was free to come. But I wrote down the names to call them out. I didn’t check if they were real though.” She looked really upset now. “I thought this was a fun idea. I never thought people would use it for such stuff…”

“Could you please hand the list to us?”

“Of course! Just wait here for a second, I’m back in a minute.” She ran off into another room.

“Oh dear.” Sebastian sighed. “How careless can one be?”

“Don’t be harsh on her, Sebastian. She didn’t have to record the data and we’re lucky that she at least got the names.”

“I just hope this helps us somehow…”

“It will. Think positive.”

“If you say so.”

It took Alice Coltraine a few minutes to find the list. She came back in a hurry, breathing hard as she handed it out to Sebastian.

“Here. I wrote down all the names. The one in blue are the gay ones.”

“Thank you very much.”, Brian said with a smile, while Sebastian was reading the names. Joseph’s name was far down. He must have been one of the last ones to attend. Since he was always punctual he surely hesitated. 

For the first time Sebastian wished that Joseph’s shyness had won. He was the one who always told his partner to risk something. Try something new and overcome all hesitation. It made him feel guilty now.

“Found anything?”, Brian asked.

“Well, names. I don’t know any of them, except for Joseph.” Sebastian sighed. “Let’s get a telephone book to find the guys.”

“You can use ours!” Alice Coltraine ran away again to catch the telephone book from her desk.

“Let’s see…” Sebastian counted the names. “We’ve got ten attenders. One of them is Joseph, so nine remain. Still a lot of effort.”

“Is Joseph the one who got raped?”, Alice asked, giving Sebastian the telephone book.

“We really can’t give you such information”, Brian said calmly. He was really good at playing the good cop.

“I see. But if it’s him I might help.”

Sebastian looked up. “Tell us everything. Now.”

“Joseph was the last one to enter and the first one to leave. He only talked to three of the guys, then he vanished again.”

“Did one of the guys follow him?”

“Yes. He left soon after him. It was him.” She pointed to one name on the list. Andrew Wilde.

“Andrew Wilde…”, Sebastian murmured, hastily searching in the telephone book. 

“Do you remember how this man looked like?”, Brian asked.

“Well… he was pretty tall. He had brown hair and wore a green shirt. But I really can’t remember anything more.”

“That’s okay. Thank you for…”

“Got him!” Sebastian pointed on the address. “Let’s head there.” Without further ado Sebastian left the building. Brian followed him and they got back into the car again. 

“Where do we go?”

“Grimmer Road 32. It’s not very far from here, I think.”

“No. It’ll take about five minutes.” Brian drove on while Sebastian crawled onto the telephone book he took with him. His heart was pounding hard. In a few minutes, he would meet the guy who did all this to poor Joseph. He knew he would definitely lose control. But Brian did too.

They parked in front of the house. It looked like a whole family was living there. Sebastian got a bad suspicion. He left the car but waited for Brian to catch up. He knew he needed the calmer one now to bring him down. Or at least stopping him from beating up this pig.

He pushed the doorbell button. It took a few seconds, then a pretty middle-aged woman opened the door. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, which were now going back and forth between the two of them.

“Good morning.”, Brian said with a smile. “We are looking for Andrew Wilde.”

“That’s my husband.”, the woman said. She seemed a bit confused. “Why do you want to talk to him?”

“Is he home?”, Sebastian asked harshly. He didn’t have time for this.

“Yes.”

“Then bring him here at once, or we’ll come in.” 

A little scared the woman moved away from the door, going to another room.

“Don’t be so harsh on her. If that’s really the guy, then…”

“Fucking shut up. I only care about Joseph.” Sebastian could barely hold back his aggression. 

In this moment, a man was walking to the door. He was tall and had brown hair, like Alice Coltraine said.

“Good morning.”, Brian said again but his eyes were fixated on Sebastian, not the guy. “We’d like to ask you a few questions about a certain blind-date party.”

“Fuck…”

This one word the guy said convinced Sebastian of his guilt. Before Brian could react in any way, he punched him right into the face. Brian shoved him back with gentle wrath and then put out his handcuffs. 

“Mr Wilde, I’m afraid I’ll have to take you with me. You’re under suspicion of raping Joseph Oda.”

“Please, I’ll come with you, but don’t use the handcuffs, my daughter might see.”

“You’re disgusting.” Sebastian felt angrier than ever before in his life.

Brian escorted Andrew Wilde to the car. As Sebastian turned around to follow them, he suddenly felt something on his leg. It was a little girl, not older than his own daughter, looking at him with big wet eyes and a teddy bear in her arm. 

“Where is Daddy going?”

“Oh dear…” Sebastian kneeled down and smiled at her. “What’s your name?”

“Felicity.” She could barely speak her own name.

“How beautiful.” Sebastian stroked her cheek a little. “Your Daddy has done something bad. But he regrets it, I’m sure. And that doesn’t change the fact that he loves you, dear.”

“What has he done?” Andrew’s wife was standing there again, tears and hate in her eyes.

“I can’t tell you that. Not… not now.” Sebastian looked back at the little child. 

“Felicity, go inside.”

“But Mummy…!”

“Please go inside!” 

“Yes…” The little girl grabbed her teddy tighter and went back inside the house. Sebastian stood up.

“So?” She looked at him, trying hardly not to cry.

“He raped a guy.”

“He… oh my god!” Mrs Wilde looked like she would throw up every second. She wanted to run to the car, but Sebastian stopped her. 

“I already punched him, don’t worry.”

“That isn’t very professional, huh?” She looked at him. “But thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Be there for your daughter now. She needs you.”

“You’re right… do you have any children?”

Sebastian nodded. “I have a daughter at the same age.”

“She’s lucky to have a father like you.” Mrs Wilde went back inside and smacked the door.

Sebastian went to the car and got in.

“What did you tell my family?”, Andrew Wilde asked from the backseat.

“I comforted your daughter and told the truth to your wife.”, Sebastian said derogative. He put out his pack of cigarettes and lit up one.

“Oh god… Why did you tell her?!”

“Because she fucking deserves to know that her husband is a pig, running around raping other guys!”, Sebastian growled and blowing smoke into his direction.

“It wasn’t like that! He asked for it!”

“Asked for it?!” If it wasn’t for the belt, Sebastian would have climbed to the backside of the car. “He tried to kill himself, just because of you!”

“Oh shit… listen, it’s so hard to life a lie and…”

“Looking for compassion now? Gosh, you’re such a disgusting pig. We don’t life in medieval anymore and even there people have been gay! This guy is gay!” He poked Brian’s shoulder. “He isn’t running around raping others!” Sebastian put out his handcuffs. “Give me your hands, your daughter isn’t here. Poor girl…”

Andrew Wilde was quiet. He let Sebastian put on the handcuffs on him without any reaction.

As they parked in front of the police department, Brian looked at Sebastian. “What now?”

“We’ll stand to what we’ve done. We’ll bring him in and introduce him to the chief. He shall decide.” Sebastian got out of the car and pulled the handcuffed man with him. “You can tell him I forced you.”

“I’ll stand with you.” Brian smiled a little. “Let’s get inside.”

Without further ado they brought Andrew Wilde to the chief's office. Their chief, Liam Rutskin, was a big and strong man some could easily fear, but they all knew that he was one of the buddy kind.

As they entered, he stood up from his desk. “Castellanos, James, why are you bringing a prisoner to my office.”

“Well…” Sebastian scratched his head. “We caught him without permission.”

“Who is he?” 

“He is the one who…”

“Oh, I see.” Rutskin went around the desk and stood in front of Wilde now. Even though Wilde was a little taller than Rutskin he didn’t look as dangerous as him. “I assume that you raped a guy named Joseph Oda, right?”

He nodded, not daring to look into Rutskin’s eyes.

“Oh wonderful, a confession! Block him up, Brian. Castellanos, you stay.”

While Brian discharged the man, Sebastian looked at his boss. He had no idea what would come next.

“So… I’ve heard you’ve given Joseph shelter?”

“You could say it like that, yeah.” Sebastian looked at him. “I had to do something. Joseph is in a very bad condition.”

“I won’t doubt that. You can tell him he’s got all the time he needs to recover. I won’t fire him.”

“Thank you. I’ll tell.” Sebastian sighed. “So… no consequences for that?”

“No. I’m glad you caught that guy.” Rutskin sat down on his desk again. “Wish Joseph the best of luck. I bet the others would say that too, but it’s better if they don’t know.”

“You’re right. Joseph is uncomfortable enough.”

“Only three other cops know and I ordered them to stay silent. I knew I didn’t have to tell that to you.”

“Well, I told Brian.”

“And we both know that he can keep secrets. Now go home. You’re excused for the rest of the day. Take care of Joseph.”

“Really?!”

“That’s an order.”

“Thank you!” 

 

Sebastian left the office, heading home at once. He was excited and afraid at the same time how Joseph would react to the information, that they caught this guy.

When he entered the house he could hear music playing. It was a song he knew well, since it was Lily’s favorite. Ordinary World.

He went into the living room where Lily put in the old CD, obviously showing Joseph the song. She sang along and Joseph just smiled, turning away from her as he entered.

“Showing Jo-Jo your favorite song?”, Sebastian asked.

“Yes! He likes it!” Lily beamed at him.

“I thought so. Can you let me have a little talk with Joseph about some adult stuff for a few minutes?”

“But…! Okay… I’ll play with Juanita then…” Lily sighed and left the room.

Sebastian sat down next to Joseph who was looking at him with tired eyes. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“´Chief send me home.”

“Oh god. What have you done?”

“I…” Sebastian scratched his head. “I found the asshole who raped you. He confessed and we locked him up.”

Joseph looked at him in shock. “But… now everyone will know! I told you not to!”

“Fuck, Joseph, I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing! I only told Brian, you know that he…”

“This will go to court, Sebastian! He will do his testimony and tell everyone what happened! Then they will know I lied!”

“I… I didn’t think that far…” Sebastian lowered his head. “I’m sorry. I thought it was the right thing to do. That guy… he even has a family. Wife and daughter. They have a right to know…”

“Don’t I have rights, Seb?” Joseph’s voice trembled. “I just wanted to forget. To move on. But now I can’t and it’s you who forced me to.”

“I’m sorry…” Sebastian looked back at him. “But I still think it was the only right thing to do.”

“I don’t care!” Joseph suddenly started screaming at him. “I will deny everything, you hear me?! Gosh, I should never have told you! You’re always like that! You’re always doing your thing, whether people like it or not! I begged you not to tell anyone and you didn’t even wait a day before you did! How can I trust you, if you keep acting like this?!”

“Joseph…”

“I bet you told Myra, too.”

“Well… uh…”

“I knew it! That’s it, Sebastian!” Joseph stood up. “I’ll never trust you again. I’ll go now.”

“Joseph!” Sebastian grabbed the arm of his partner. “Calm down. I was only trying to help you… but I shouldn’t have done it by hurting your trust. You’re right. I did my thing without thinking. But I did it for you. Because I love you, partner.”

Joseph looked at him with watery eyes. “You’re playing unfair.” 

“Do I?” Sebastian hugged him tight. “Well damn my skills.”

“You can’t just say that and assume everything’s okay again…” Joseph buried his head in Sebastian’s chest.

“I don’t do that. I’m just trying to bring you down.”

“I am down.” Joseph sighed a little. “I’m sorry that I got loud. Maybe it’s time to tell everyone. You’re right, everyone knows that Brian is gay but he didn’t lose his job because of that.”

“And neither will you. Besides, Myra already betted you were gay.”

“Huh.” Joseph looked at him. “Well, she knows how to read people.”

“She does. It’s creepy.” Sebastian scratched his head. “But helpful. Unless I fucked up something.”

“Well, then be a good husband.”

“I try.” Sebastian padded Joseph’s head. “Yesterday reminded me of how lucky I am to have her. She’s there for both of us.”

“I’m sorry about all the things that happened. If I didn’t go to that stupid party…”

“Stop it.” Sebastian looked at him with his serious face. “It happened and cannot be undone. We should move forward now.”

“You’re right.” Joseph closed his eyes. “But I have to beg you of something.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell the truth in court but only if you come with me. I won’t go alone.”

“That’s fair.” Sebastian stroked his partner’s cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll even hold your hand, if you want to.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m not a child.” Joseph blushed a little and something told Sebastian that he would be very glad, if he held his hand.

“Then, Mr Grown-Up, how about we take a walk together to clear our minds?”

“Sounds like a great idea.” Joseph smiled a little. “The weather is really nice today.”

“Yes, but it’s hot as fuck. I’ll put on some lighter clothes.”

“I’ll wait.”, Joseph said. He didn’t wear short clothes but Sebastian understood that he didn’t want to look people on his wounds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love letting Seb play the bad cop and screaming at assholes like that. :}  
> It was a lot of fun for me to write this chapter. :D
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	9. Water Fun and a Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some bathing of the other kind...

Sebastian went to the bedroom and changed his work suit to a plain T-shirt and knee-length trousers. Then he caught up Joseph from the living room and left the house with him. The sun was shining bright and hot from the sky so they went to the nearby park which had lots of shady trees.

“Gosh, summer is punching a last time in before it dies, huh?”, Sebastian sighed.

“Seems like it.” Joseph looked at him. “Do you like the summer?”

“Of course I do! But today is definitely too hot.”

“You’re getting brown so fast.” Joseph took his hand and compared their skin tones. He was as pale as a ghost, compared to him.

“Genetics. Got the Spanish skin in me, I guess.”

“Well, I got the Japanese.” Joseph smiled a little. “I don’t get brown, only burned red.”

“Then you aren’t a big fan of summer?”

“No. I prefer fall. I love it when there’re colored leaves everywhere.”

“So does Lily. You should go collect some together, when the time comes.”

“I’d love to.”

 

Sebastian stopped walking, looking at the little lake in the middle of the park, were children were playing in the water. “Do you want to have children?”, he asked carefully.

“You know that it’s not possible.”

“You could adopt one.” Sebastian looked back at Joseph who seemed uncomfortable now.

“Listen, Sebastian… I barely can handle myself right now. I couldn’t take care of a child.”

“So you want one?”

“I… I don’t know. Maybe… if I had a partner… if… if everything was different…” Joseph now had tears in his eyes. “I wish I could stop being this way and start a normal life. But I already tried that and I can’t.”

“You… tried dating a woman?”

Joseph nodded. “I wanted to be normal and… and… I was young and dumb. Then I met Tabitha. She was a really nice and pretty girl and we had so much in common. I thought… all my problems would be solved, if I started a relationship with her.”

“Didn’t work, huh?”

“Of course not. I couldn’t feel anything for her but friendship.” Joseph sighed. “I’m not proud of what I’ve done. But I felt like I had to.”

“Why? Because you got bullied? It’s your life, fuck the haters.”

Joseph smiled a little, but looked very sad. “I thought I’d might get my family back.”

“Wait… your family?”

“They… they broke away from me when I told them.” Joseph played with his fingers. “Except for my grandfather. He stood with me and raised me. If he didn’t do that… I would have been homeless on the street, all alone by myself… I was only thirteen, had no job, no money.”

“Fuck… that’s… I don’t even know.” Sebastian took Joseph’s hands.

“Please don’t tell that to anyone. It’s really private.”

“I swear by your glasses.”

“What kind of vow is that?”

“A strong one.”

“Well, then stick to it.” Joseph smiled a little. “Or I’ll shove my glasses up your ass.”

“Woah! I thought you were the submissive part!”

“I never said that, you just assumed.” Joseph grinned.

 “So you’re wearing the pants, I see.” Sebastian padded his back.

“Actually… no. I do enjoy both parts, are you happy now with that information?”

“I don’t know, but thanks for sharing.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

Sebastian looked back to the lake. “How about we jump in?”

“You realized that I don’t wear short pants?”

“They will dry. C’mon.” Sebastian poked his shoulder. “Let’s forget we’re adults for a second.”

“Well… okay.” Joseph smiled a little. “But you realize that I’ll be first, right?” Without further hesitation, Joseph run into the lake. Sebastian was following him fast, but of course his partner arrived first. He splashed water in his face and soon after they were fighting with no mercy, getting wet from head to toe. But they both didn’t care. It warmed Sebastian’s heart how happy Joseph looked. He was actually laughing and having fun, despite all the sadness in his life. Finally he dragged his partner down and they both were lying in the shallow water, still laughing and catching for air.

“Gosh, why did we do this?”, Joseph asked still laughing, unbuttoning his shirt a little. “I’m so wet.”

“You should listen to yourself.”

“Probably.” Joseph sat up and shook his head. Water was splashing everywhere.

“Joseph! You aren’t a dog!” Sebastian giggled and got up too. Joseph hugged him, resting his head on his shoulder. Since he opened his shirt a little, Sebastian could take a glance inside from above. He saw the scars of Joseph’s violations and self-harm and immediately held him tighter.

 

“Hey! You two!” An angry looking woman walked towards them.

“Can I help you?”, Sebastian asked, presaging nothing evil.

“You are disturbing my children!”

“I’m sorry, what?” Sebastian was confused. “How the hell did we do to disturb them, they’re playing in the water by themselves, aren’t they?”

“Sebastian… let’s leave.” Joseph stood up.

“Yeah, you better should. No one likes fags like you around.” The woman snorted.

“Excuse me, what?” Sebastian stood up as well, feeling incredible anger.

“If you chose to live in sin that’s your problem, but don’t do it in front of my children!”

“Are you even listening to yourself?!” Sebastian raised his voice but Joseph grabbed his arm.

“Let’s just leave!”

“No, I’m not finished here.”

“You should listen to your girlfriend.”, the woman said with derisive glance.

“You should watch your mouth, lady.”

“You should watch your actions!”

“We didn’t do anything!”

“I’m leaving.” Joseph went away, but Sebastian grabbed his sleeve.

“Why don’t you just go, why do you want to argue so bad?” The woman crossed her arms.

“You were the one who started the argument!”

“I don’t want my children to see homosexual stuff.”

Sebastian let out a laugh. “Is it homosexual to have fun together?”

“Don’t play it down! My children shouldn’t see such things and you’re responsible for them being disturbed.”

“They don’t look disturbed.” Sebastian took a glance to the still playing children.

“Sebastian. Let’s just leave. Now.” Joseph freed himself from him.

“I said, I’m not finished.”

“Well, I am!” Joseph walked away.

“I hate you, just so you know.”, Sebastian told the angry lady before he followed Joseph out of the park.

 

“What the hell was that?!”

“Welcome to my world.” Joseph looked at him with pain written all over his face. “That’s why I never tell anyone!”

“Don’t listen to desperate mommy’s.”

“Then to church? Or beat-me-up-men? Or the whole fucking world?!”

“Listen to me.” Sebastian grabbed his hand. “Next to Myra and Lily you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. And I don’t care if you are gay. There is no difference. You like men, I like women. That’s it.”

Joseph smiled a little. “Your opinion is the only one that matters.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Sebastian gave Joseph a brief kiss on the cheek.

“W-what was that for?”, his partner asked, blushing deep.

“That lady is still looking.”, Sebastian grinned. “Besides, you earned it. Yer the best.”

“You’re the best.”

Sebastian didn’t quite know if it was a correction of his slang or meant as a response, but he smiled anyways. “Come on, let’s go home and put some dry clothes on.”

“Great idea.”

 

They walked back home, watering the street. Seen afterwards, jumping in the lake was not the best decision they ever made. Halfway, Joseph started sneezing. Suddenly Sebastian remembered his fever from yesterday and felt a little guilty.

“Maybe you should lie down a little. Sounds like you’re gettin’ sick.”

“I’d like to take a hot bath first, if it’s okay. I won’t put in earphones this time.” Joseph sneezed again.

“Yeah, sounds like you could need one.”

“Hottest summer and I’m getting a cold…”

“Happens.” Sebastian padded his shoulder. “We should maybe ask Juanita to get us some towels before we get in.”

“Not a bad idea.”

Sebastian hit the doorbell and Juanita opened up. As she saw them, she first looked up in the sky to search for rainclouds. “ _Dios mío_ , what happened to you?”

“Fell in a lake.” Sebastian grinned. “Can you get us some towels?”

Juanita nodded, running back inside to grab some. While she was on her way, Sebastian and Joseph put off their shoes and socks, leaving them outside in the burning sun.

Wrapped in two large towels they finally entered the house and headed straight to the bathroom. Joseph sighed and sat down on the toilet. “Worst idea ever.” He sneezed again.

“But it was fun.” Sebastian put off his wet T-shirt. He shivered because the water made his skin freezing.

“Yeah… it was.” Joseph smiled a little, still wrapped up in the towel. “Could you do me a favor?”

“Sure. What do you need?”

“I definitely need to change the bandages now. You have any?”

“Sure! I also got iodine.”

“Oh wonderful…”, Joseph murmured, while Sebastian grabbed the stuff from the first aid kit. He unbuttoned his whole shirt now and carefully put it off. It was really hard for him to get it over the bandages though.

Sebastian kneeled down before him and took his right arm first. A little red seeped through the white bandages.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, I forgot you shouldn’t get wet there.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s my own fault.” Joseph sneezed again.

Carefully, Sebastian unwound the bandage from the wound. It started bleeding again, but not that hard. He dried his arm as softly as he could with a fresh towel, put some iodine on it, which made Joseph twitch a little, and then wrapped the bandage around the wound. Then he did the same with the other arm.

“Thank you.” Joseph sniffed a little.

“No problem.” Sebastian stood up and looked down on his partner. It was the first time he saw him completely shirtless. All the wounds on his way to slim body made him sick.

“You lost a lot of weight, huh?”, he said carefully, not wanting to offend him.

“Yes. Had a lot of stress. I know that I have underweight now but don’t look so worried. Juanita promised me to make me fat.” He smiled a little.

“Good lady.”

“She is, indeed.” Joseph let out an unhealthy cough. “But I think I’ll live on soup for now.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Sebastian felt Joseph’s face again. “You’re hot.”

“Thank you.” His partner smiled tiredly. “But yes, I also feel a little dizzy.”

“Wait here, I’ll get you some dry clothes and then you lie down immediately.”

Joseph nodded and Sebastian went to the guestroom. He searched through the wardrobe and finally took a plain grey T-shirt and jogging pants, also some underwear, branded Calvin Klein. Then he headed to his own bedroom, to grab some clothes for himself.

As he came back with the clothes, Joseph was polishing his glasses. Despite everything around, it felt so normal. In all these years they knew each other, he had been watching Joseph almost every day cleaning up his glasses. It had something calming on it.

“Here, got ya some comfy clothes.”

“Thank you.” Joseph put his glasses back on.

“Shall I help you with the pants?”

Joseph looked down on the wet jeans which stuck on his legs. “Maybe.” He undid the button and zipper. Then he stood up and tried to pull down the pants. They struggled heavily.

Dauntless, Sebastian grabbed Joseph’s pants and pulled them down in one move. The younger one stepped out of it. “Thank you.”

Sebastian felt his legs, which were cold and wet. Since he was already down there, he dried them up too. As he got up again, Joseph was as red as a tomato.

“You okay?” He felt his cheek again.

“Y-yes.” Joseph looked away in embarrassment. “It’s just… it’s been a long time since someone took care of me like that. I mean…”

“I get it. You like being spoiled sometimes, huh?”

“Who doesn’t?” Joseph sneezed again and sighed. “I think I earned it.”

“You certainly did.” Sebastian padded his bare shoulder. “By the way, I didn’t know you were so much into brands.”

“I won’t say I’m into brands. I’m interested, yes… but…”

“Gay.”

Joseph sighed. “I just like my clothes being nice. Since the rest of my life surely isn’t.”

“Jo…” Sebastian hugged him tight, but Joseph stepped back. “You’re wet and cold, get off me.”

“Sorry.” Sebastian sighed and got rid of his wet pants and boxers and threw them and his shirt in the clothes basket. Then he took his towel again rubbing his body dry.

As he took a look at Joseph he had to smirk a little. The younger one turned away from him, covering his eyes.

“Afraid to look?”

“ _Afraid_ is not the right word for it.” Joseph looked back at him, making sure to only look in his eyes. “I just find it impolite to stare at naked people.”

“I wouldn’t have put my clothes off, if I’d mind ya looking.” He grinned and Joseph just shook his head.

 

Now dried up, Sebastian put fresh clothes on. Joseph still was standing there in his briefs, probably too shy to pull them off.

“Joseph, you really need to change, you’re freezing.”, Sebastian said serious.

“I can’t… if you’re looking.”

Sebastian turned around. “I won’t look. Promise.”

He heard Joseph drying up and change. “I put my clothes in the laundry too, yes?”

“Where else would you put them?”

“I don’t know… maybe doing laundry for myself?”

“You do hear how dumb that sounds, huh?”

“… Yes.” Joseph stepped beside him. “Do you have some tea, maybe?”

“Sure. I’ll make you some.”

“Thank you. Since I don’t want to be alone in my room, is it okay if I lie down on the couch?”

“Sure, you can watch cartoons with Lily.” Sebastian smiled at him.

“Sounds…” He sneezed again. “…like fun.”

“I’ll get you some tissues.”

“Great idea.” He sniffed. “My nose is overflowing.”

“Just go to the couch, I’ll take care of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked them getting wet. XP
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	10. Myrasexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph rests a little and Sebastian enjoys time with his wife...

Joseph went to the living room, while Sebastian entered the kitchen. He put out some chamomile tea of the closet and also searched for some honey to make it sweeter. 

“Daddy!” Lily entered the kitchen and jumped into his arms. He caught her and gave her a little kiss. 

“Hey sweetie.”

“You have honey! I want some!”

“Alright, I’ll put you some on a bread. But I want you to do something for me, yes?” He put his daughter back down.

“What shall I do?!”

“Jo-Jo is not feeling well. How about you put in a DVD and watch some stuff with him?”

“Yes!” Lily nodded. 

“Good girl. And bring him this, he’ll need it.” He gave his daughter a pack of tissues. 

“Yes!”

“Alright, I’ll bring the food to the living room then.”

Sebastian finished the tea and applied honey to a slice of bread. Then he brought the stuff to the living room. A little amused, he saw that Lily choose to watch a Barbie film. Poor Joseph.

“There ya go.” He gave Joseph the cup of tea and Lily the plate with the bread. “Maid Sebastian, at your services.” 

Lily giggled and Joseph also had to smile. Sighing, Sebastian plopped on the couch between them. “Do you really think Joseph likes Barbie movies?”

“Everyone likes Barbie movies!” Lily pouted.

“You know, I doubt that. Joseph is more found of Sailor Moon.”

“Oh, shut up.” Joseph sighed deep.

“You really are?!” Lily looked at him with shiny eyes. “In the name of the moon I will punish you!”

“Well, we rather do that in the name of the law.” Sebastian chuckled.

“Your outfits aren’t beautiful!”

“Trust me darling, you don’t want to see your daddy in a mini-skirt.”

Joseph snorted, but it wasn’t of his cold, it was clearly suppressed laughter. He definitely had imagined that right now.

“Jo-Jo, I warn you. Wipe that picture off your head.”

“I’ll try.” Joseph chuckled and Lily also was giggling. With a deep sigh, Sebastian leaned back.

 

“Let’s watch Sailor Moon instead!” Lily jumped off the couch and put out the Barbie DVD to replace it with a Sailor Moon movie.

“God, it’s been ages…” Joseph scratched his head.

“So that’s what your teenager rebellion looked like?”

“Apparently, yes.” 

“Impressive.”

“I thought you’d call it gay.”

“Well, that too.”

“Jo-Jo! Who’s your favorite Sailor warrior?!”, Lily asked loudly.

Joseph looked at her. “My favorite? I don’t know. Maybe Mercury.”

“And yooours?” She looked at Sebastian.

“Huh. I’ll go with Mars, I guess.”

“You’re all dumb! Bunny is the best!”

“Don’t call people dumb because they have another opinion.” Sebastian padded her head. “The world would be boring, if we all liked the same.”

“Yes...” Lily looked back at the screen and took a bite off her bread. 

They watched the movie together. After Joseph drank his tea, he rested his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. He felt his partner shaking, so he grabbed a blanket for him to wrap him up. Of course he was sweating now, but it was good for him in this condition.

After the movie, Lily wanted to go out and play, so Juanita went with her. Sebastian and Joseph stayed on the couch. 

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Joseph looked at him. “It’s just a cold. I will survive.”

“Yer a man, so… no.”

Now Joseph had to laugh. “Well, I’m screwed.”

“But seriously… how are you?”

“I’m fine, like I said. I don’t feel anxious or depressive right now. I’m just happy that I can be here.”

“That’s good to hear.” Sebastian smiled at him. “But you’re always calm if someone hugs you, huh?”

“Depends on the person.” Joseph closed his eyes. “But it’s always fine with you.”

“Now I feel honored.” Sebastian grinned, holding him tight.

Joseph didn’t say anything more. After a few minutes, Sebastian realized that he fell asleep. With a smile he laid down, granting Joseph to use him as a bed. He mumbled something that sounded like _Tomatoes_ and buried his head in Sebastian’s chest. The older one had to buck up to not laugh at that. Carefully, he took Joseph’s glasses off and laid them on the table so that he wouldn’t bend them while sleeping.

Sebastian dozed off himself a little until he heard the front door and the loud voice of his daughter, demanding dinner. He also heard his wife’s voice which told her to be patient and that Juanita would start cooking now.

A few seconds later, Myra entered the living room. Sebastian laid a finger on his lips, pointing to Joseph. With a smile Myra kneeled down next to him and gave him a soft kiss. 

“He caught a cold.”, Sebastian murmured. “And has got temperature.”

“He doesn’t omit anything, huh?” Myra stroked briefly through Joseph’s still wet hair and looked back at Sebastian. “Have you been swimming?”

“Kinda.” Sebastian scratched his head.

“He is cold…” Myra sighed while stroking over Joseph’s upper arm. “How can he be so could when he’s lying on the living heater?”

“I don’t know. It’s about 85° outside. I’m sweating like fuck.”

Myra took a look at the bandage on Joseph’s arm. “Might have something to do with all the blood loss. His body is in a sensitive state. I think that’s one of the reasons why he got sick so fast.” She pulled up the blanked over them which made Sebastian groan. 

“Gosh, don’t make this even hotter.”

“Do you want him to freeze?”

“He’ll drown in my sweat.”

“Gross. You’ll shower when he’s awake or you’ll have to sleep on the couch tonight.”

“That’s mean.” Sebastian pouted but got serious pretty fast. “I thought about going to bed with Joseph. He is so anxious in the dark and can’t fall asleep alone. But I don’t want to leave you alone… Honey, I…” He put out a hand and Myra took it.

“Don’t worry. I understand. This will take a little time to settle down. Until then we’ll have to arrange ourselves. But I don’t want to resign of you every night.”

“I’ll stay with him until he’s asleep, then I’ll go back to you. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” Myra smiled at him. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” They kissed again. “I don’t want to neglect you…” Sebastian squeezed her hand. 

“You’re not, don’t worry.” Myra smiled at him. “You’re doing great.”

Sebastian had to grin a little. “You know, that’s how I am. Guess who caught that raping asshole.”

“You did find him?”

“Yes. Well, Brian helped me. He’s got a daughter in Lily’s age, can you believe that?”

Myra shook her head. “That’s just awful. Poor child.”

“Also, Joseph will go to court. He was pretty mad at me, but I managed to calm him down.”

“Good.” Myra sighed. “Then we have at least sorted out one problem.”

Sebastian nodded. “But… what about your birthday next week?”

“Well, I’ve got one more guest. Don’t worry about that, Sebastian. I don’t mind Joseph being here at all and my parents and friends won’t either. He is a nice guy and maybe some company is really good for him. Also, you can impress him with your barbeque skills.”

“Oh yes, he will be impressed!” Sebastian grinned. “But it’s a relief that you think that way.”

“Seb, I might not know Joseph that well, but I know that he’s got the heart at the right place and that he needs some friends now. Also, it’s a good chance for me to get to know him better. I sometimes had the feeling he avoided me.”

“He’s a bit shy.” Sebastian sighed. “I’ve noticed too. Maybe he thinks he’s annoying. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“He seems like he has no self-esteem.” 

“True, true.” Sebastian looked down on his sleeping partner. “But considering how life has treated him it’s only natural I guess. I’ve experienced it today…” He looked back at his wife. “There was a woman in the park who thought we were a couple.”

“Excuse me?” Myra lifted an eyebrow.

“We did literally nothing but having fun. I wanted to cheer him up a little, so we jumped into the lake and had a splashing duel.”

“How old are you again?”

“Wife, please. I’ve never seen him laughing like that before.”

Myra took a look at Joseph. “I guess we could build up the pool in the garden. Lily would be happy.”

“Not yet. He is sick and needs to rest.” Sebastian felt his cheek. “The only thing that’s hot on him.”

“Okay, good point. So, this lady thought you were gay because you were splashing each other?” Myra shrugged. “Sounds fair.”

“Myra!” Sebastian shook his head and she chuckled.

“Come on, I had to. Have you ever questioned your sexuality?”

“Since Joseph told me I have been thinking a little… but no, I’m definitely straight. I could never do it with a guy.”

“That’s good to know.”

“I also couldn’t do it with another woman.” He sighed. “I’m myrasexual.”

“That’s awfully cute.”

“It’s not.”

“It is. You’re being cute.”

“I’m not!”

“You are.”

Sebastian sighed. “Fine, you win.”

“I always win.” She grinned at him.

“We should really take some vacation together when things settled down. Just you and me.”

“A second honeymoon?” 

“Sounds lovely if you say it like that.” He smiled at her. “Yes, let’s have a second honeymoon.”

“And a second child.” Myra kissed him and he kissed back. He couldn’t really hug her because of Joseph, but it was a beautiful kiss nevertheless. 

Joseph meanwhile seemed to wake up and rubbed his eyes. Sebastian took the chance to softly push him away, now able to hug his wife. When Joseph noticed he got up, allowing them to make out. He seemed a little embarrassed, not knowing where to look.

“How’re ya feelin’, partner?”, Sebastian said with a smile, after finally separating from Myra.

“A little dizzy, but it’s okay.” Joseph smiled a little. “Do you need time for yourselves?”

“Hmm, a few minutes? If you don’t mind.”

“It’s your house, you can do whatever you want.” Joseph stood up. “I’ll just take these with me.” He grabbed the tissues from the table.

“Have fun.” Sebastian gave him a perverted grin that made Joseph roll his eyes. 

“I’ll think of you when I clear my nose.”

“Sexy.”

“I know. You’re as beautiful as my snot.”

“I feel honored.” Sebastian touched his chest in fake awe. 

“You should. I don’t grant this to everybody.” Joseph crossed his arms. “By the way, do you have any books I could read?”

“How about you read Jo-Jo, the monkey?” Sebastian grinned and Myra chuckled.

“I thought about something more… exigent.”

“My eBook is lying there, feel free to use it.” Myra nodded to the sideboard.

“Thank you but I’d rather not spill my bacteria all over it.”

“Don’t worry about that. I can clean up the display.” Myra looked very amused.

Joseph nodded. “Okay, thank you.” He took it and vanished in the guestroom.

 

“He is a bit weird, huh?” Myra chuckled.

“Can be.” Sebastian grinned, pushing her on the couch, laying down on her.

“Ugh, god, Sebastian, you’re fat!”

“How dare you?! That’s all muscles!” 

She grinned at him. “Of course.”

“Fine. Then I won’t lie on you ever again. How do you like that?” He got up.

“I don’t like that at all.” Myra got up too and hugged him. “I need to change, wanna help me?”

“I thought I’m fat.” Sebastian crossed his arms.

“That doesn’t prevent you from helping me.”

“Hm.” Sebastian shrugged.

“So you don’t want to touch these?” Myra stroked over her chest.

“Uhm…” Sebastian looked at her, now biting his lip.

“Fine by me, if you don’t want to.” She went to the bedroom. It took Sebastian less than a second to follow her.

Juanita finished dinner and called all of them out. Again, Joseph didn’t appear at the table so Sebastian stood up and went to the guestroom. He tried not to worry and pushed the ajar door.

Joseph was lying in the bed, sleeping, Myra’s eBook on his chest, the tissues in his left arm and the purring Kitty in the right one. It seemed like they became friends at last.

Sebastian had to smile a little. He didn’t want to wake him up and in his state sleep was healthier than food.

Silently he left the room again. Now he would be able to spend the whole night with his wife. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a very spectacular chapter here... but it's something! xD  
> In the name of the law!... or something like that.  
> Thanks for reading. x3
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	11. Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian has a little flashback and the family goes to the zoo.

Joseph was a real patient person. Sebastian learned that from the first day on they met and got introduced as new partners. He wasn’t very happy that he had to leave Myra and let Joseph feel his anger. The younger one endured it without a word. He just sat down on his desk and started to do their work, while Sebastian still complained about him.

“Why do they give the wimpy fag to me?!”, he recalled spitting out in front of Joseph. The one who literally did nothing wrong. He was brought into the office by the chief and introduced himself politely. Sebastian didn’t even take his hand.

But Sebastian’s opinion changed when he entered the archives one day later. It was during lunch break and he wanted to get some files they needed later that day.

When he entered the room, he heard a quiet sobbing. Carefully he went further, seeing Joseph leaning with his head against one of the metal lockers, the files in his right hand, his glasses in the left. He was shaking and Sebastian saw tears dropping to the ground.

“Hey.”

Joseph’s body twitched when Sebastian spoke. He slowly turned around, taking his glasses back on.

“I was just getting the files.”, he said, trying to keep his voice calm.

“More like pouring them.” Sebastian crossed his arms.

“I’m sorry.” Joseph walked past by him. 

“Hey, wait.” Sebastian grabbed his sleeve. He looked at him with those wet brown eyes that let Sebastian’s heart melt. “I should be sorry.”

Something changed in Joseph’s face. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be nice. Just… please refuse from making fun of me in front of the others.” He lowered his head a little as if he wanted to bow. “I beg you.”

“Whoa, keep it down, Canuck.” Sebastian let go of him. “I’m no bully. I’m just angry about the rules, you know? I wanted to keep my former partner.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Because I’m gonna marry her.”

Joseph looked at him and a few more tears were dripping from his eyes. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Sebastian sighed. “Look, I’m really sorry for being so hard on you. It’s not your fault. You probably didn’t want me as a partner, too.” He scratched his head.

“You are the nicest person here.” Joseph smiled a little. “I saw how you treat the others. How experienced you are. So I volunteered to be your partner. It’s sad that you don’t like me. I hoped to get treated like the others.”

“I… I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“Don’t worry. That has nothing to do with you. I’m just having a hard time right now and sometimes it’s difficult to keep it together.”

“Then how about I invite you to lunch at the diner, partner?” Sebastian smiled at him and Joseph smiled back. Since then they were inseparable partners.

Sebastian opened his eyes. It wasn’t usual for him to dream memories but this night it did happen. It almost was like he relived the days. He almost forgot about catching Joseph crying in the archives and he never questioned it back then. But now it hit him like a gunshot. His boyfriend must have died at that time. How often did he cry in a corner in those days? It couldn’t be just this one time…

He took a look on the alarm clock and sat up in shock. It was already 9am. Why didn’t Myra wake him up for work?!

He jumped out of the bed and was already halfway to the closet as he remembered that it was Saturday. No work today, only zoo.

He sighed in relief and fell back into bed. A few more minutes of sleeping wouldn’t be that bad…

A few hours later they were on their way to the zoo. While Sebastian, Myra and Lily were wearing light summer outfits, Joseph stuck with a long purple checked shirt, black trousers and a big grey scarf which was hiding the underpart of his face. It surely was too hot for that outfit but since he still had a cold and wanted to hide his scars nobody said anything, not even Lily. She seemed to understand in some way.

They entered the zoo. The first animals to encounter were some chimps. Everyone looked at Joseph who didn’t understand it first until Lily giggled a “Jo-Jo”. He rolled his eyes and went on to the penguins. They were really cute and let him smile a little.

“You can go on, I think I’m going to stay here.” He sat down on the bench in front of the compound. 

“But you didn’t see anything but the Jo-Jo’s and the pengus!”, Lily complained.

“Yes, and I think I want to draw the pengus.” Joseph smiled at her. 

“You heard the man.” Sebastian grinned. “Don’t disturb the artist. We’ll catch you later.”

Joseph nodded. “Have fun.”

“You too.”

Sebastian and his family were moving on. He felt a bit bad about leaving Joseph behind but he told himself that the younger one would be fine. 

They had a lot of fun together. Myra took photos of Lily’s favorite animals and Sebastian bought her a tiger shirt in the souvenir shop. 

There also was an animal themed play ground in the zoo. Lily made new friends there very quickly while Sebastian and Myra sat down on a bench.

“Look at our little social butterfly.” Myra chuckled. “I’m glad that she can make friends so fast.”

“Me too.” Sebastian smiled at her. “We did a good job, I guess.”

“Of course we did.” Myra rested her head on his shoulder. “She’s growing so fast.”

“Yes, it’s incredible.” Sebastian placed a kiss on her head. “But we’ll have another baby soon.” He took her hand.

“You really want me to get pregnant, huh?”

“Doing my best.” He grinned at her.

“Moron.” She smiled a little. “But Sebastian… I don’t think I want to get pregnant while Joseph still needs so much attention.”

“I’ll slow it down if you’re getting pregnant. He’ll handle.”

Myra looked at him. “He’ll handle? Have you looked at him? This guy can’t handle anything.”

“Honey, I…”

“No, no excuses. We’ll prevent again.”

“But I thought you wanted another child.”

“That was before this whole Joseph thing happened. I really don’t want to be with child while a mental ill person, who could freak out any time, lives under my roof.”

“Myra, I get your point, but…” Sebastian froze as he saw Joseph standing next to them. He didn’t know how long he’d been there but it was definitely long enough to hear Myra’s last sentence.

“Finally found you.”, he said with a smile, obviously pretending not to have heard anything. But his trembling voice betrayed him.

“Joseph…” Sebastian stood up. “Listen…”

“They even sell tiger-shaped ice-cream here, have you seen that?” Joseph nodded to the nearby zoo restaurant. “It’s… impressive.”

Myra stood up as well. “Joseph…”

“Maybe you want to buy one for Lily, she surely would like it.”

“Stop it.” Sebastian grabbed his shoulder and forced the younger one to look at him. Joseph simply closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”, he said quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

“Joseph, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. You both know it’s not okay. I… I can’t take over your life like that.” He lowered his head and clenched his fists. “I am selfish and didn’t waste a single thought on your wishes. I only thought of mine.”

“Joseph, listen. It’s okay. You need help now.” Sebastian stroked his shoulder.

“Yes.” Joseph finally looked at him with tears in his eyes. “The only right decision here is… to go to Beacon.”

“But… you don’t want to go there.”

“I know but… I just can’t stay and ruin your life. You deserve a happy life. And a friend who is healthy. So… I’ll work hard and… be the friend you deserve.”

“Shut up…” Sebastian hugged his partner tight. “Just stop saying such things. You’re not ruining my life.”

“He’s right.” Myra suddenly joined the hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Joseph turned his head to look at her. “If you really want another child…”

“…we still have lots of time.” She smiled at him. “We can also get another child in a year or two. I’m not that old.”

“I… I didn’t say you were old…” Joseph still seemed like he would have to cry any minute but Myra had to laugh.

“Joseph, just sit down. I’ll buy you some tiger ice-cream so you won’t look that sad anymore.” She let go of him again and went to the restaurant.

“Wait… is she actually…?”

“Yes.” Sebastian chuckled. “Meet my wife.” He softly pushed Joseph down on the bench and sat down next to him.

“You’re too nice to me.” Joseph lowered his head.

“No. You’re too hard on yourself.” Sebastian rested his palm on his shoulder. “Joseph. Myra didn’t want to insult you or make you feel bad. You know nothing about pregnant women. It’s horrible. Being pregnant must be the worst thing in the world. While she was with Lily I had to suffer a lot. And that’s why she doesn’t want it. Because it would affect you, too.”

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“Yes. Don’t worry about it. It’s like Myra said: We can get a second child later. And when it’s time, you’re going to be the godfather.”

Joseph blinked and looked at him. “You… want me…?”

“Of course. And I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you at Lily’s birth. To be honest, I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you to be my best man on the wedding, too. I had lots of friends back then but… since I’m a father with no time for nights out they all vanished.” Sebastian sighed. “I mean, it’s not like they hate me or something, they just don’t care anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” Joseph took his hand. “But I will never leave you. I promise.” 

“I don’t doubt that.” Sebastian smiled at him. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Because you take me the way I am, with all my flaws.”

Joseph blushed a little. “You do the same with me.”

“You don’t have many flaws though.”

“What are you saying?” Joseph blinked. “I’m only here because I can’t handle my life right now.”

“That’s no flaw. You’re ill and you need help. I on the other hand smoke, drink, swear to much, overact most of the time and do my own thing without thinking of others…” Sebastian sighed. “Or forget my phone…”

“So you’re basically an average American man.”

That made the brunette laugh again. “So that’s what you think of Americans, Canuck?”

“It’s not like I have no American passport.”

“But you’re Canadian born and raised.”

“Canadian and Japanese.”

“So you ate sushi with maple syrup?”

“That’s probably the worst taste one could create.”

“So you tried it?”

“No!”

“We definitely should do that.”

“Why in the world should we do that?!”

Sebastian laughed and laid an arm around Joseph. “For the fun, Jo-Jo. For the fun.”

“You call that fun?” Joseph looked at him.

“Sure. Never played that gross jellybean game?”

“No.”

“It’s fun on parties. With a lot of booze you can endure the taste.”

“I can’t drink.”

Sebastian blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I can’t drink alcohol. At least not much. I’m drunk within seconds.”

“Well that’s an information.” Sebastian grinned.

“Don’t even think about it.” Joseph gave him a death glare. “If you want to fill me up I’m out. I’ll quit our friendship. Don’t forget that.”

“Keep calm. As if I would do that.” Sebastian shook his head. 

“I don’t know when you’re joking and when you’re serious sometimes.”

“Me neither.” Sebastian shrugged. “That’s the secret of comedy.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“Now you hurt my feelings.”

“Okay, sometimes you’re funny.”

“Thank you.”

They smiled at each other. In that second, Myra came back with a big ice-cream plate for Joseph, like she promised.

“Here you go.” She handed the plate to Joseph. 

“Thank you. That… that really wasn’t necessary.” 

“Nonsense.” She sat down next to him. “If someone’s sad, just buy him ice-cream. That’s what my mother used to say.”

“What if that person can’t eat ice-cream?”

“Don’t ruin it, Joseph and eat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any other cat obsessed people here who begged for tiger shirts when they were little? x'D  
> I hope you still like the fanfic. :3
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	12. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian has a horrible nightmare...

The next days were passing by without any special incidents. Joseph’s cold got better. He went to therapy and always helped Juanita with the cooking. The two of them teamed up made the best food in the world and not only Lily was very pleased about that.

“I feel like I’m in a restaurant.”, Sebastian muttered after dinner and leaned back in his chair. “I’m so full.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Joseph stood up and took the empty plates. “I wasn’t sure about the mixture first.”

“He is a liar.”, Juanita said. “He just doesn’t want to brag.”

 

After they cleared up the kitchen Myra brought Lily to bed and Sebastian accompanied Joseph to his room. They agreed in him just coming with him and saying good night every day. Apparently this was enough for Joseph and Sebastian didn’t question it because he definitely preferred to stay in his bed.

“Where did you learn to cook like this?”, Sebastian asked while Joseph took off his shirt.

“My grandfather taught me. He was a passionate cook. And… well he got sick and couldn’t do it anymore so I had to do everything.” Joseph smiled a little and put on his T-shirt.

“You were alone with him?”

“Yes. Yet another page I’d love to rip out of my life-story.” Joseph looked at him. “He died and I couldn’t do anything to help. I called the ambulance but…” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

Sebastian pulled him into a tight hug. “Right when I think I know all the cruel stuff that happened to you, you’re dropping another bomb.”

“I’m sorry.” Joseph leaned his head against his chest. “But there isn’t much happy stuff to tell.”

“What about… your first kiss?”

Joseph blinked and looked at him. “Excuse me?”

“I mean… that’s surely a happy memory, right?”

“I don’t think so.” Joseph moved away from him.

“What? Not even that?” Sebastian rested a hand on his shoulder.

“He just made fun of me. Got paid for it. That’s not happy at all.”

“Jesus Christ…” Sebastian sighed. “Isn’t there anything? Anything that still makes you smile?”

“It’s standing right in front of me.”

Sebastian needed a few seconds to get it. “You… you mean…?”

“You.” Joseph smiled at him. “You always make me smile.”

“Unless you’re mad at me.”

“Even then.” Joseph hugged him again. “I never had friends. I’m not good with people and most of them think I’m awkward. I’m bad with touching. I actually hate contact. I always wear gloves because I can’t stand bacteria. I don’t drink. I don’t party. I’m a mess. I’m depressed and suicidal. I can get very moody. I’m gay and I hate myself for it. I actually hate myself for everything. So… I don’t even get why you’re still enjoying my company.”

“Because you’re so much more than that.” Sebastian stroked though his hair. “But… you never told me that you don’t like to be touched.”

“You can touch me. As long as there is some fabric between us.”

“Oh, now I get why you sent me off to put on a shirt.”

Joseph nodded a little. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. You could have just said.”

“I…” Joseph sighed. “I don’t want to… It’s just…”

“It’s okay. I know now.” Sebastian padded his shoulder.

“I’m working on it. Working on everything.” Joseph picked up a small blue box from his bedside table and opened it. In it were some large pills.

“What’s that for?”, Sebastian asked carefully.

“Antidepressant.” Joseph smiled a little. “I shouldn’t have stopped taking these. But I… I don’t like taking pills. It horrifies me.” Nevertheless, Joseph swallowed down one of the pills with a big sip of water.

“Does it help?”

“I don’t know. I think so. I’m not feeling suicidal at least. And I can sleep.”

“That’s good.”

Joseph sat down on the bed. “How was yours?”

“What?”

“Your first kiss.”

Sebastian let out an embarrassed laugh. “It was… Valentine’s Day in the fourth grade. There was this girl named Lisa. I was crushing her so I wrote a card without saying it was me, of course. Then she came to me and said she would recognize my ugly handwriting out of thousands.”

Joseph had to laugh on that. “She’s got a point.”

“It was worse back then, trust me.” Sebastian sat down next to him. “Well… she said that what I wrote was really cute. And then she kissed me. I was the happiest boy on the planet.”

“And then?”

“Oh, we were a couple for a few weeks but you know… in that age it doesn’t last long.”

“I don’t know. I had my first relationship when I was 21. My only one…” Joseph lowered his head.

“You… never had anything going after that?” Sebastian rested a hand on his shoulder.

“No. Nothing.” Joseph leaned his head against Sebastian’s shoulder. “No hugs and kisses. No cuddles. No one to look after. No dates. No sex. No love. Not even a compliment. That’s my love life.”

“Do you like someone?”

“No.” Despite his denial, Sebastian could feel his heart beating faster.

“You can tell me.” He grinned at him.

“I already said no.” Joseph looked at him. “That’s the truth.”

“If you say so.” Sebastian stood up again. “Good night then.”

“Good night.”

 

Joseph grabbed Sebastian’s gun and pressed it against his temple.

‘It’s better this way’, he said quietly. Then he pulled the trigger.

Red fluid splashed everywhere and it became more and more until Sebastian was drowning in a pool of blood. He gasped for air but his lungs just filled up with blood. In the distance he could see Joseph’s dead body. Eyes white open in terror. Not moving anymore…

 

Sebastian woke up breathing hard. He was all in sweat and his heart was beating fast. The alarm clock told him that it was 2:52am. Myra was sleeping quietly next to him.

“Fuck…”, Sebastian mumbled and brushed over his face. He probably had been having nightmares every night but this was the first one he remembered vividly.

Quietly he got up, put on a shirt and went to Joseph’s room. He just had to check to calm himself down.

Slowly he opened the door to Joseph’s room. He was lying in the bed, facing the wall so that he could only see his back. The bedside lamp was on so he probably still was afraid of the dark.

“Joseph?”, he asked quietly.

“Yes?”

He didn’t expect to get a response. But at least he was still alive.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian entered the room.

“No.” His voice was trembling.

“Jo…” Sebastian kneeled down next to the bed and caressed his back. “What is it?”

“I can’t tell you.” He was crying.

“You can trust me.”

“Not on that.” Joseph took a deep breath. “Why are you here?”

“I… I had a horrible nightmare. You… you shot yourself.”

Joseph turned around now. His eyes were red and his face watery. “Don’t worry. I’m not dead.”

“You cried.”

“Yes, but I didn’t die.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Please… I really can’t tell you that. It’s something I have to live with.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Sebastian…” Joseph closed his eyes. “It’s just my anxiety. Sometimes I cry without a reason.”

Sebastian didn’t really believe that but he nodded. “I thought the pills help you.”

“Not completely.” Joseph sat up and dried his eyes. “Hey… why don’t you lie down a little?” He smiled and moved to the wall to give him some space in the bed.

“I thought we agreed on not doing that?”

“Only five minutes. Please.” Joseph lifted the blanket for him.

“Alrighty.” Sebastian laid down on the bed.

“I’m having nightmares too.” Joseph took his hand. “All the time.”

“It’s horrible.” Sebastian laid an arm around him.

“Yes…” Joseph closed his eyes. His head slipped on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“What do you dream?”, Sebastian asked quietly.

“Mostly weird nightmare stuff.” Joseph sighed. “Terrifying images and so on.”

“I wish I could prevent them.”

“You do. I mean…” Joseph blushed a little. “Sometimes I dream about you.”

“Oh, do you?” Sebastian grinned. “Am I you shining knight in armor?”

“Something like that.” Joseph put up the blanket. “But not that gay.”

Sebastian had to laugh. “Just your partner who saves your ass.”

“Yes. That.” Joseph snuggled closer and laid one arm on his chest.

“So needy?” Sebastian caressed his hair.

“I… I just…” Joseph closed his eyes. “Yes, I am needy.”

“It’s okay.” Sebastian played with his hair. “Tomorrow… today is Myra’s birthday. Some people will come. We will have a barbeque.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll… go out then, I guess.”

“Nonsense. You’re invited. Just wanted to warn you.”

Joseph smiled a little. “Thank you.”

“No need for that. Lily will sleep at a friend’s house and we’re going to party like grandpas all night long.”

Joseph had to laugh. “Don’t stumble across your walking frame.”

“Can’t promise that.” He grinned.

“Oh, poor fool.” Joseph padded his chest.

Sebastian smiled at him. “If it gets too much for you, just go to your room, okay?”

Joseph nodded. “I will. But I’ll try my best to… socialize.”

“That’s the spirit. Now get some rest to be prepared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happening here except for Angst.  
> Oh well, next chapter will surely get... interesting. c:
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	13. Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens...

On the next day Joseph vanished early. Sebastian was a bit worried because it surely wasn’t like him to just leave and don’t say anything, but it turned out that he just went to town to buy some flowers and chocolate for Myra’s birthday.

“Sorry, I’m late”, he gasped as he arrived in the kitchen while the others had breakfast. His excusing face was half covered by the bouquet of various flowers until he handed it to Myra. “Happy Birthday.”

“Oh god, you’re so sweet.” Myra got up to hug him. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Joseph smiled a little.

“Well, my bouquet is bigger.” Sebastian crossed his arms, secretly relieved that his partner was well.

“I didn’t know we were compensating.” Joseph looked at him.

“I have to compensate when you give gifts to my wife.” He grinned. “At least I know that you’re no danger.”

“Don’t worry. I was just being nice.” Joseph sat down at the table.

“And gay.”

Joseph just rolled his eyes and started buttering a slice of toast.

“What’s gay?”, Lily asked.

“Uhm…” Sebastian scratched his head. “Well that just means that a boy likes boys.”

“But all boys like each other. They’re always playing together!”

“No, not in that way. In the like-like way. You know, some princes don’t need a princess. They just marry another prince.”

“So you’re going to marry Jo-Jo?”

Joseph choked on his bread and shook his head vehemently.

“Honey, I’m already married to you mother.” Sebastian chuckled. “And thank you, Joseph. I’m not that bad, right?” He looked at Myra.

“Huh…” She made a face like she would think about it.

“Thank you very much…”

“Sorry.” Joseph smiled apologizingly at him. “You’re not my type.”

“How is this amazing example of human life not your type?!”

“I prefer intelligent people.”

That had Myra laughing so hard that she almost spilled her coffee over the table.

Sebastian pouted and crossed his arms. “I know who’ll get all the burned steaks tonight…”

“So you’re foreshadowing that you will screw up such an easy task?” Joseph smirked.

“I… damn it.” Sebastian angrily took a sip of coffee. It was nearly impossible to win an argument against Joseph. He just always found the right response.

 

Joseph turned out to be of significant help. He prepared salad and meat for the party and peeled the potatoes voluntary. Myra didn’t even have to do anything anymore.

When the first guests arrived, he still worked in the kitchen, giving them time to say hello to everyone without worrying about food.

Since the party took place in the garden, Joseph brought out all the food, placing various salads on the table, pouring everyone a drink, putting little baskets with bread slices between the guests and dropping the meat next to the grill so that Sebastian had nothing more to do than to put it on the grate.

“You’ve got a hot little servant there.”, Aileen – Myra’s best friend – said with a grin, obviously checking out Joseph’s butt as he served another salad plate.

“You’re barking at the wrong tree.” Sebastian said while walking by with a grin.

“He’s gay.”, Myra added.

“Damn. What a shame.” Aileen took a sip of the wine she’d asked from Joseph. She was always the first one to start drinking and normally also the last one to stop. “Well, let’s test how gay he is after a few shots.”

“Still too gay for you.” Myra grinned.

“We’ll see that.” Aileen put down her glass and shouted at Joseph. “Ey! Handsome!”

He didn’t react at all and continued with fueling the grill since Sebastian was chatting with an old friend.

“His name is Joseph.”, Myra said amused.

“Joseph!”

Now he reacted, turning his head in her direction with a little confused look.

“Over here!” Aileen waved, and Joseph followed the order like a little dog.

“Can I help you?”, he asked as if he really was a servant.

“Oh, I bet you can. You need to taste that water for me. It’s kinda funny… would you do that?”

“Sure.” Joseph took the glass Aileen offered him and put it on his lips. After he took a long sip, he started coughing.

“That’s schnapps.”, he hardly got out.

“Oh… yes. My bad.” Aileen shrugged. “Wrong glass, take this one.”

Joseph fell for it and also tasted the other one, which – obviously – was also filled with hard booze.

“Have I mixed up the bottles…?”, Joseph asked himself loudly. “I swear this… this is all booze…” He blinked as the alcohol started working in his body. “I kinda feel bad…”

“Here. Drink this.” Aileen gave him one of the glasses she’d already given him before, but Joseph didn’t notice and took another long sip of the booze. Now he really had to cough, and it almost seemed like he had to throw up.

“Joseph! Are you okay?” Sebastian came over, looking worried at his partner.

“He might have had a bit too much of the schnapps.” Aileen grinned innocently.

“Are you serious?!” Sebastian glanced angrily at her. “He can’t drink!”

“You could have said that!” She pouted at him as if it was his bad.

“Joseph. Joseph, are you okay?” Sebastian wrapped an arm around his still coughing partner.

“Burns… I’ll get myself a coke…” He hastily run back inside the house.

“Don’t go near him. I mean it.” Sebastian gave Aileen another angry glance before he followed Joseph to the kitchen where he tried to open a coke can with way too shaky hands to achieve it. Sebastian carefully took it from his hands and opened it.

“Sa… Sank you…” Joseph held his head. His speech already slurred.

“You took some hard booze there. Will you be fine?”

“Dunno…” Joseph emptied half of the coke can at once. “Just so… dizzy…”

“You really can’t handle it, huh? Then better lay down.”

“Lay down…” Joseph blinked.

“Yes. In your bed.”

“Bed… yes…” He shook his head as if the alcohol would vanish like that.

“Yes.” Sebastian gently shove Joseph into his room and closed the door behind them. “I’m sorry for that. I’ll talk with her later.”

“Seb…” Joseph looked at him. “I think I’m… I’m… drunk…”

“Yeah, I think that too. So just…”

Without any reason Joseph started to chuckle. He put a hand in front of his mouth but continued laughing anyways.

“What’s so funny?”, Sebastian asked.

“Funny?” Joseph looked at him with a confused glance. “Nothing’s funny. I… I can’t think…” He held his head again.

“You should lay down.” Sebastian gently pushed Joseph on his bed.

“Oh… we’re finally doing it?” He smiled at him.

“Doing what?”

“I’ve been waiting… for years.” Joseph put a hand on his cheek and smiled at him, his eyes still dizzy, implying that he wasn’t aware of anything.

“You’ve been waiting for what?”

Joseph sat up again. He was a little shaky, so Sebastian held him immediately.

“Hey, slow it down. You…”

But he couldn’t finish his sentence because suddenly something was blocking his lips. It took him over a second to realize that Joseph was kissing him. He pushed him away in shock and his partner landed on the bed again, still smiling.

“What the fuck was that…?”, he asked quietly.

“I love you too.” Joseph took his hand.

“Hey… stop that.” Sebastian moved back his hand. “That’s not… it’s not okay.”

“Sebastian…” Joseph closed his eyes, still smiling. “I love you so much…”

Something inside Sebastian froze. This wasn’t just drunk babbling. This was the truth. The horrible truth Joseph was hiding from him all the time.

“You… love me.” It wasn’t even a question. He already knew the answer.

“I love you.” Joseph cuddled his blanket.

“Since when?”

Joseph opened his eyes and looked at him again. “Sinceeee… since we met.”

“Oh god…” Sebastian brushed over his face with one hand. “You have to stop.”

“How?”

Sebastian stumbled. Of course, Joseph would have tried to stop it. It just wasn’t possible to stop feeling. And he must have tried hard.

“Sleep now.”, Sebastian said quietly and left the room. He just didn’t know what to do now but he decided to think about that later. For the moment, he would just drink it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I really want to say thank you to everyone! This story has got over 1000 hits now and it makes me so proud and I'm so glad that people like it. Thank you so much for all the Hits, Kudos and kind Comments! You're the best! ♥♥
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	14. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to talk about what happened...

When Sebastian woke up in the morning he had a terrible headache. He had too much booze that night but not even the three bottles of whiskey couldn’t make him forget what Joseph said.

“Morning sunshine.”, said Myra next to him. She was naked and beautiful.

“Morn’…”, he grumbled, still not fully awake.

“Did someone have a little too much last night?” She grinned.

_You can’t even imagine_ , he thought, but he didn’t want to tell her. At least not yet. “Not of you.”

“When will you ever have enough of me?”

“Never.” He gave her a kiss and pulled her close.

“I’m sorry about Aileen…”, she muttered between kisses. “I would have stopped her, but I didn’t know that Joseph couldn’t drink. I thought it was a funny prank…”

“Pranks are never funny.” Sebastian cupped her face. “But let’s not talk about that now. We have more important things to do. And I’ve heard sex helps pretty good against hangovers.”

 

Sebastian adjourned talking with Joseph for the whole morning. But eventually he and Myra had to get up and dressed again, taking care of Lily, preparing lunch.

Joseph hadn’t left his room yet. He probably was hungover too. Or ashamed for what he did.

Sebastian took a deep breath and finally knocked on the door. He didn’t get an answer. A bit worried now, he entered the room.

Joseph didn’t look well at all. He was as pale as a ghost, sweating, barely able to look at him or even keeping his eyes open.

“Oh god.” Sebastian kneeled next to the bed. “Joseph, can you hear me?”

He nodded slightly and closed his eyes again. “Think I… might… get sick…”

“Hold it in for a second, I’ll get you a bucket!” Sebastian ran out of the room. That talk could wait.

He ran into the kitchen and grabbed the bucket from under the sink, running back to the room without answering Myra’s question what was going on.

Joseph was pressing one hand on his mouth, barely able to hold it in anymore. Sebastian held the bucket under his face, allowing Joseph to finally throw up. He was coughing hard and clamped onto the bucket.

“Shit…” Sebastian carefully padded his shoulder. “You okay? More to come?”

“Don’t know…” Joseph coughed again, obviously still feeling sick.

Sebastian waited patiently, still holding the bucket for him, until he finally calmed down a little. He placed the bucket on the ground and felt Joseph’s forehead. It was glowing.

“Fuck… Okay, lay down again, partner.”

“I… feel so…” Joseph couldn’t even end his sentence. He just fainted.

“Joseph?” Sebastian grabbed his shoulder and shook him a little. No reaction. “Fuck!”

Without hesitation, Sebastian went to the kitchen again. “I’m calling a doctor.”, he said to his wife while paying close attention that Lily couldn’t hear it.

“Oh god, is it that worse?”, Myra asked quietly.

“He just fainted. He’s got fever. He is as pale as a ghost and he threw up practically everything he’s eaten in the last days.”

“Doesn’t sound good at all.”

“Please look at him. You were a nurse once, maybe there’s something you can do.”

Myra nodded and vanished in Joseph’s room while Sebastian called the doctor. Then he sat down next to Lily to keep her busy.

“Hey sweetie. What’re you up to?”

“Lunch!”

“Right.” He would have to finish it now. “Do you want to assist daddy with the cooking?”

“Yes!”

“Good. Because daddy can’t cook anything that requires more intellect than frozen food.”

 

It took about ten minutes until the doctor arrived. Myra led him to Joseph while Sebastian fought with the dinner. He was a bit proud that nothing had burned into the pot yet and finally served it so that at least Lily could eat something.

Myra returned with the doctor and he quickly went to them, closing the kitchen door behind him. “What is it?”

“He has got an allergic reaction on the alcohol. It’s rare but there are people who react this way. The chance is higher when you’re Asian…”, the doctor said, adjusting his glasses. “I gave him medication. He just needs some rest now; the symptoms will weaken after a while.”

“Thank you.” Sebastian let out a relieved sigh.

The doctor nodded and left, leaving Sebastian and Myra alone in the hallway.

“Well that was quite a scare.” Myra run a hand through Sebastian’s hair.

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes for a second. “I honestly can’t do this anymore. I’m so exhausted.”

“What do you mean?”

“Joseph… I… I just need a break from Joseph.” He looked at her, feeling bad already for the words he’d said.

“You can’t just take a break from Joseph.”

“I know… I know, but… I’m afraid he’ll destroy our family.” Sebastian looked to the ground.

“Sebastian…” Myra rested a hand on his cheek. “If you really can’t take it anymore, you’ll have to bring him to Beacon.”

“I know… and I’ll visit him there. But it’s just getting too much… I mean, of course I’ll wait until he’s good again…” He brushed a hand over his face.

“Sebastian… what happened?”

“Nothing. Nothing, it’s just… I’m worried all the time and the guys in Beacon are more qualified for that job than I am.”

Myra nodded and hugged him close. “I understand. Should I tell him?”

“No… no, I have to do that myself. I owe him that much… Now let’s forget that for now and have lunch.”

 

Sebastian didn’t look after Joseph for the rest of the day and visited him again in the next morning. He was still sleeping when he entered the room, looking much better than the day before. His dark hair was in a mess, reframing his now peaceful face.

Sebastian sat down on the bed, carefully stroking through his hair to remove wisps of hair from his face.

Joseph blinked, slowly waking up and looking at him. “Seb…”, he muttered, still half asleep.

“Joseph.” He moved back his hand, not sure why he put it there in the first place. “We have to talk.”

“What about?” Joseph rubbed his eyes and sat up, still sleepy.

“About what you did when you were drunk.”

“Oh god, what did I do? Please tell me I didn’t dance on the table or something…”

Sebastian stumbled. “You… you don’t remember?”

“No… all gone. What have I done?” Joseph looked at him with an embarrassed smile.

Now Sebastian hesitated. It was unfair to push him away for something he didn’t even remember. But even though he didn’t remember… it still was the truth.

“Was it that bad?” He saw Joseph getting nervous now, kneading the blanket with his fingers.

Sebastian decided to tell him the truth. It was only fair. “You… kissed me.”

All color vanished from Joseph’s face. His hands started shaking and he looked like he was in shock.

“So… I was right the whole time.”, Sebastian continued. “You are crushing someone. And now I know why you couldn’t tell me.”

Joseph still just stared at him, his eyes watering now. He was visibly afraid of what would come next.

Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment. “You should go to Beacon.”

Joseph nodded. His eyes were pouring tears now while he was biting his lips, still fighting against the urge to cry even though it was already too late. His fingers were crawling deep into the blanket now.

“Listen… I don’t hate you for it. And I will come and visit you. But I need some space now. Can you understand that?”

Joseph nodded again, still quietly pouring tears on the bed.

“You can still call me if you need something. Really, I won’t leave you hanging. You’re still my partner.” Sebastian carefully grabbed one of Joseph’s hands, but he moved it away.

“Are you mad at me now?” Sebastian looked at him.

“I’m mad at myself.” Joseph’s voice sounded broken. As if he’d lost all hope.

“You don’t have to. It’s okay. Really.”

“You know it’s not. It’s not okay.” He cried harder now. “I tried everything but… I shouldn’t have come here but…” He took a deep breath. “I… just couldn’t say no to your offer. It felt so good… being here… you worry about me… I’m so sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I knew it couldn’t last forever… but just for a few days I felt so alive. So loved. So… belonging.” He buried his head in his hands. “What have I done…?”

“Hey… calm down there.” Sebastian couldn’t just leave him like this. He gently wrapped his arms around Joseph and pulled him close.

“Please… please don’t touch me. I… I can’t stop if… I’ll never be able to stop…” He closed his eyes, slowly giving in and leaning his head against Sebastian’s chest. He felt the tears watering through his shirt, felt his body shaking.

“Calm down.” Sebastian carefully caressed his back. “It’s okay. I don’t hate you for it. Feelings are something beyond our control.”

“It’s not okay. There is a line and I crossed it by kissing you.”

“You don’t even remember.”

“But you do.” Joseph closed his eyes. “Kinda unfair…”, he muttered quietly.

“Unfair?” Sebastian rose an eyebrow.

“You don’t even want to remember it… but I do.” Joseph looked down.

“You do?”

“I mean, what do you think? It’s the reason why I must leave. It’s something I wanted to do for years. And now I can’t even remember it. That’s my luck at its best.” Joseph sounded slightly frustrated now.

Sebastian nodded quietly. He couldn’t really imagine how the whole situation felt for him now.

“I would have never done that sober. I would have never done anything. You believe me, right?” Joseph looked at him.

“Of course I do. I mean, you had plenty of chances.”

“I never had a chance.” Joseph smiled sadly at him. “But that’s okay. All I want is you to be happy.”

“Joseph…” Sebastian held him tight, leaning his head against his’.

“You are happy, right?” His body was shaking in his arms.

“Yes. I am.” Sebastian closed his eyes. “I’m happy to have a friend like you.”

Now Joseph looked at him with glittering eyes. “W-we’re still friends?”

“Of course we are. I won’t leave you, I already said that. I might not love you like you love me, but you’re my partner. My best friend. And I want you to be happy, too.”

Joseph hugged him close, burying his head in his shoulder. Sebastian thought of all the things he learned about him. Of all the things he’d been through. He really didn’t deserve to end up in a mental hospital. He deserved to find happiness again.

“You know what? Just stay. I don’t mind.”

“But I do.” Joseph looked at him again. “Because I won’t be able to stop loving you.”

“I know that. But you don’t deserve to rot in Beacon because of that. It’s not a crime to love someone. Cheating is a crime, but you never did anything, and alcohol doesn’t count.”

Joseph closed his eyes. “Isn’t it a crime to think about it? To imagine how things could have been, if…” He sighed quietly. “I’m not innocent, Sebastian. I’ve imagined a lot of things.”

“What’s inside your head is none of my business. It’s yours.”

“You really just forgive me like that…?” His voice sounded like he just couldn’t believe that.

“Yes. I forgive you. Because you are a wonderful person life hasn’t treated well. You deserve any happiness you can get. You deserve so much more than you have, and I will help you find it, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it’ll be. I’ll always be there for you. I love you, partner.”

Joseph was breathing hard. He blushed deep and it seemed like he was fighting against the tears again.

“It’s okay, just let it all out”, he said with a smile, but Joseph shook his head.

“Can’t… please leave now… now…”

“Hey, what is it?” Sebastian reached for his face, but Joseph avoided his hand.

“Sebastian… you can’t just say such things and think they won’t affect me… please leave now or I’ll do something stupid.”

Sebastian placed his hand on Joseph’s chest. His heart was racing. “You sure you’ll…?”

“Go!” Joseph was breathing even harder and his chest seemed to explode any minute.

“Joseph…”

“…!”

Now his partner couldn’t hold back anymore. Within one second he moved over and pressed his lips on Sebastian’s. He felt his body shaking as his arms wrapped themselves around him, his tongue licking over his lips, begging for entrance that Sebastian just couldn’t grant. He wanted to break free from that kiss, but he couldn’t. Joseph pushed him onto the bed without breaking the kiss. He lay on him now and Sebastian could feel how much Joseph enjoyed this. That was when he knew that it was too late. That Joseph couldn’t stop now.

Sebastian felt teeth biting his lip, hands all over his body. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t respond to any of that, but he also couldn’t push him away. It was his fault. Joseph knew that he was about to lose control and he did warm him. It was his fault because he said the words “I love you” without thinking. But he couldn’t cheat on Myra just because he made that mistake. So he stayed still, doing nothing and regretting his life choices, while Joseph continued kissing him. He became less necessitative and Sebastian had the feeling that he just didn’t want to stop because he knew it was his only chance. And he respected it. He couldn’t imagine how much Joseph had suffered in the last years, having to watch him loving someone else.

Sebastian could feel tears on his face now. Joseph was crying again, still pressing his lips on his own, not willing to let go yet. But eventually he moved back up, off him, not daring to look at him.

Sebastian sat up as well. He did look at Joseph who was sitting there now, lost, leaning against the wall, looking away from him, both hands in his lap to cover his erection.

“Joseph…” He didn’t really know what to say but he knew he had to say something.

“I’m sorry…” Joseph’s excuse was barely to hear since his voice broke down.

“Look, it’s not because I don’t like you, okay? But I’m married, and I don’t cheat. And… I’m not gay.”

Joseph nodded. “I know. You don’t have to justify yourself. I should.”

“I know why you did it.”

“Do you?” Joseph finally looked at him. His eyes were tired.

“It’s okay. We’ll just pretend that never happened.”

“Sure.” He smiled a little and it was the saddest thing Sebastian had ever seen.

“Look, I know that you would have wanted it another way, but…”

“No.” Joseph looked back at him. “I know where I stand. You just… surprised me. Sorry for losing control there.”

“Like I said, we’ll just pretend that never happened. No big deal.” Sebastian smiled a bit hesitantly.

“No big deal… yeah, that’s a compliment.” Joseph sighed and closed his eyes. “God, I’m sorry. My brain is exploding…” He looked back at him. “Thank you for reacting like this.”

“How else should I react?”

“I don’t know? Screaming at me? Hitting me?”

“Joseph, I would never hit you. I wasn’t even able to push you away.”

“I just…” Joseph closed his eyes, still in tears. “You’re the only one who cares about me. You always treated me fair and kind. You were always by my side… and I missed that feeling so much. Having someone… I hate myself for falling in love with you, but I just couldn’t stop it. I was down when we became partners… I wanted to end everything, just die in peace so that the pain would finally go away… but then we started going to the diner in breaks, having chats and laughs together… and I started to feel alive again. Was looking forward to the next day, because I knew that I would see you again. It wasn’t love at first though. Just… the feeling of belonging somewhere, having someone who really cares about me again… But I got caught up in it more and more. I’ve long crossed the line of going back. Especially not after the last days. I’ve even slept in the same bed…” He brushed over his face. “I should have stopped it. I knew how wrong it was. But I just couldn’t. I was so scared but then you held me, and I felt safe at once. I wanted to tell you to leave, but… It just felt so good after all that horror. I told myself that it was a reward for making it through all the suffering. That it was only this one time and that I’m allowed to enjoy it. I missed being with someone at night. I love falling asleep in someone else’s arms. I love… being in love. But now everything is so difficult. I’ve got raped. And it was horrible. I won’t be able to enjoy it like before. I don’t think there’s anyone out there who’ll understand… I haven’t been able to find someone before, how will I manage that now? I miss Fred…” Joseph started sobbing and buried his head in his hands.

“Joseph…” Sebastian just pulled him into his arms, carefully caressing his back. He felt Joseph twitching and sobbing.

“I’m really sorry for everything you had to go through.”

“I’m sorry… for all the trouble…” Joseph wiped his eyes clean.

“It’s okay. And if you need me to fall asleep, just say it. You can cuddle me to death, if you want to.”

“Seb… didn’t you just listen to me?”

“I did. And I understand. I can’t give you love like you might want to, but I still can be there for you. Support you. And if you fall in love again, I will be watching out for you and beat the crap out of that guy, if he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve it.”

“You’re too good to me…”

“I’m not. I wanted to throw you out because of selfish reasons.”

“I… can leave. It’s probably for the best.” Joseph smiled weakly.

“It isn’t. You need cuddles, not medication. You need family, not doctors.” Sebastian rested one hand on Joseph’s cheek. “I’ll always be there for you, I promise.”

“I give it back.” Joseph closed his eyes, leaning in on that touch. “If you need me, I’ll be there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back after a long break! :D  
> But at least it's a pretty long chapter. I hope you liked it. :3
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	15. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph's case finally goes to court.

Sebastian had never seen Joseph this nervous before. He moved from room to room, playing with the tie of his suit and biting his lip. Not even Lily was able to calm him down and she normally had his full attention within less then a second.

“Joseph.” Sebastian grabbed his shoulder as he wanted to leave the room again. “Sit down. Please.”

“I can’t.” He shook his head.

“I know that you’re nervous but it’s going to be okay. Trust me. No one will blame you for lying about the blind date. They’ll understand. He’ll go to jail.”

“God, I hope you’re right…” Joseph looked at him. “I… I don’t know how I’ll react when I see him again.”

Sebastian wrapped his arms around him. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there with you.”

Joseph rested his head on his shoulder. “Thanks…” He took a deep breath. “I just hope the court case is over soon.”

“And I hope you’ll be better after it.”

“I hope so… It would be great if he gets his punishment and I can move on with my life again… at least a little.”

“I’m sure you will.” Sebastian let go of him again. “I guess we could go already. Maybe it’s better if we walk. It’ll clear your head a little.”

Joseph nodded and put on his cagoule. It was a bit stormy and rainy, like the weather wanted to fit the mood. But Sebastian never believed in omen’s and the weather had been like that for weeks.

 

It was already October now, almost Halloween, and the case of Joseph’s rape finally got to court. It was a big step for all of them.

Since Joseph’s love confession things surprisingly got better than before. Joseph seemed to be more relieved than sad. He carried the weight of his feelings for years, unable to ever talk about them. But now that it was out, at least between them, he seemed much more relaxed.

Sebastian also saw and felt that he was getting better. The medication and the therapy seemed to work for him and he was smiling and laughing most of the time. Yet, he still lived at his house. And that was fine.

 

They were walking next to each other in silence. Joseph was hiding under his hood, so that Sebastian barely could see his face. The wind was howling around them and even Sebastian shivered a little.

“Maybe we should have taken the car.”, he grumbled.

“Are you cold?” Joseph looked at him.

“A little.”, Sebastian admitted.

“Here.” Joseph took off his cagoule but Sebastian shook his head.

“Keep it. I’m fine.”

“You say that now but tomorrow you’ve got a cold…”

“Better me than you. You need to be focused.”

Joseph sighed and put the cagoule back on. Then he took a deep breath and looked at Sebastian. “Can I… take you hand? Only for a little while… I’m so nervous, I need to hold something.”

“Uhm… sure.” Sebastian reached over, and Joseph took his hand. His fingers were cold and shaking.

“You’re freezing.”

“I’m not. My hands get cold very fast and I’m afraid. But I’m not freezing… if it bothers you, you can let go again.”

“No. It’s fine.”

They were moving forward again. It was strange holding hands with Joseph. And it somehow felt wrong. But Sebastian didn’t let go. He knew that Joseph needed his comfort, that he was dying inside of fear.

“What if they don’t believe me?”, Joseph asked quietly as they finally arrived at the court house.

“They will.” Sebastian gave him an encouraging smile. “And if they don’t, I’m still there as a witness.”

“Can you hug me one more time?” Joseph’s voice was shaking.

“Sure.” Sebastian pulled him into a tight hug. “Don’t show him your fear. You’re stronger than he is. He doesn’t have any power over you. Okay?”

“Okay.” Joseph nodded and took a deep breath. “Let’s go then.”

 

Sebastian wasn’t allowed to go into the court room yet, because he was a witness. Now, while going up and down in the hallway, he felt nervous as well. He couldn’t be there for Joseph, but he was confident that his partner would manage the situation. At least he tried to be.

Alice Coltraine was there as well. She sat on the bench next to the door of the court room, hands folded and eyes down. Sebastian felt that something was bothering her and maybe this was the perfect way to abstract himself.

He sat down next to her and gave her a little smile. “Hello. Miss Coltraine?”

She looked at him, her eyes watery. “Oh. You are that cop.”

Sebastian remembered his impoliteness against her and nodded slowly. “I wanted to say sorry for my behavior back then. I just… I haven’t been objective on that case.”

Alice nodded and sighed deeply. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? I should have paid more attention…”

“No!” Sebastian grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look in his eyes. “That is not your fault, you just hosted a party and what’s happening with you guest outside of the building isn’t your area of responsibility.”

She smiled a little. “But maybe I could have prevented it.”

Sebastian shook his head. “Trust me, I’ve had the same thoughts. But what happened can’t be undone now. The only thing we can do, is to make sure that this pig gets what it deserves.”

“Yes.” Alice nodded. “Are you… close with Mr Oda?”

“You could say so.”

“Are you… and he…?”

Sebastian had to laugh and shook his head. “No, not _that_ close. But he is my partner. My best friend. And he is a person who doesn’t deserve it. I mean, no one deserves to be raped, but he has already been through a lot of shit.”

“I wish I could do more, but I don’t think my testimony will change anything.” She sighed.

“Just tell them what you told us.”

In this moment the door opened up and a young man with bright blue eyes asked Alice Coltraine to get in. Sebastian gave her a comforting smile while she walked into the room. Then the door closed again, and he was alone.

 

After an eternity the young man came back and asked him to come in. So they did need another witness.

Sebastian stood up from the bench and entered the room. He took a brief glance at Joseph who was siting on his chair and looking down on his hands. Then he sat down in the witness booth. It wasn’t the first time he was here and played witness, but it had never been that personal before.

The judge gave him the usual flowers of speech and Sebastian promised to tell the truth. Then the lawyer of Andrew Wilde stepped in front of him.

Sebastian knew that man and it made him feel uncomfortable. George Shawn was the most ruthless lawyer he ever met. He could easily talk someone down and judging by the looks of Joseph, his partner already lost against him. But he wouldn’t.

“Mr Castellanos…”, Shawn started with a smile. “Is it true that you weren’t really present in that particular night?”

“That is true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know anything.”

“You gave us some voice mails from you phone. We’ve already listened to them…”

Sebastian crossed his arms. “Yes. Joseph called me that night. More than once. And he left messages that show without ambiguity that he was in distress.”

“That might be true, but he never stated to get raped. He is mentally ill and phases like that aren’t unusual.”

Now Sebastian understood which game Shawn was playing. “Joseph has got depressions and an anxiety disorder, that’s true. But he doesn’t have schizophrenia or any other mental illness. If you’re trying to make him look certifiably insane you should present the certificate first. Because I know his certificate and it clearly states that he is sane. And you should stop ignoring facts. Like the doctor who stated on his written testimony that Joseph was hurt and that his wounds matched a rape.”

“A rape and self-harm.” Shawn lifted an eyebrow. “He harmed himself before, why wouldn’t he do it again?”

“Because there is a difference between self-harm and inflicted damage. And every idiot should be able to differentiate between those.”

“He could have hurt himself to get attention, right?”

“Not right. Because everyone who knows Joseph knows that he doesn’t need attention. In fact, he hates to be the center of attention.” Sebastian gave him a sharp look. “Besides, I don’t even know why I still have to tell you all of this. Andrew Wilde confessed in front of me and Brian and Rutskin. He said, quote, that Joseph asked for it when cornered and you can’t undo that, no matter how hard you try to blame the victim.”

Sebastian got interrupted by the judge on that but when he left the booth he noticed Shawn’s perplexity with a grin.

He sat down next to another visitor to watch the rest of the trial. It didn’t take much longer, then the jury left the room to debate about the results and everyone took a break.

Sebastian stood up immediately and went over to Joseph. “You okay?”

“I don’t know.” Joseph was pale, but he forced himself to smile.

“Did Shawn get you?”

“Yes…” Joseph shook his head. “He turned every word against me. I wish I was as good as you are. And they gave me the homophobic duty solicitor. I mean, how is that fair? He doesn’t even want to defend me.”

“Don’t worry, you’ve got me.” Sebastian sat down next to him. “If they get to you like that I will stay here, and I will defend you.”

Joseph smiled a little. “I don’t think I still can win this. But thanks.”

“Don’t worry. It’s all going to be well. If we lose, we’ll appeal from first instance. We won’t let him win.”

“Thank you.” Joseph closed his eyes for a second. “I’m so tired… I just want it to end now and go home.”

“Hang in there. I know you can do it.” Sebastian gave him a pat on his back. “And on the way home I’ll buy some pizza. The good one.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

 

After a while the trial continued. The jury came to a result and Sebastian stayed close to Joseph, seeing his body shaking and hearing his shivering breath.

“The jury has come to a unanimous result.”, the spokesman said. Sebastian could feel shaking cold fingers wrapping themselves around his hand.

“We accuse the defendant of being guilty.” Sebastian could feel the shivering and relieved breath of Joseph in his neck.

“The judge has the word.”, the prosecutor said, and everyone stood up.

“Mr Andrew Wilde, born on February 21, 1976, you’ve been found guilty of rape with use of violence and threats to override the consent of the victim. Therefore, you’ll be finally convicted to three years of imprisonment and a compensation of $1000 for the victim. The defendant has to pay the trial costs.” The hammer went down, and Joseph landed in Sebastian’s arms. He could feel his shirt getting wet on his shoulder, where his partner head had buried itself.

“Three years… what a joke.”, Sebastian muttered.

“I don’t care.”, Joseph whispered. “I’m so glad it’s over.”

“And you’ve won. Come on, let’s get some pizza now. You’ve earned it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I'm glad this is over. I really don't speak law and I've never been to court (I behave xD). Also, I'm still no native English speaker and I only know the US court system out of CSI shows... which I don't watch very often. xD  
> So please forgive me for possible mistakes. ^^'
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	16. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween. Time for Trick and Treat!

Sebastian had to admit that he loved Halloween. And since he had Lily he finally had an excuse to go on Trick or Treat tour again. He didn’t even know why he liked it so much, but it was always a great fun to do partner costumes with Lily… unless she wanted him to be a Disney prince or even worse… Tuxedo Mask. Since she had demanded to be Sailor Moon in the previous year he had had no choice but to give in. But this year was his turn. And he actually managed to talk Lily into doing Chucky from Child’s Play – she liked the outfit – and got a Jason Voorhees costume for himself. Myra never put on a costume because she claimed that was a father-daughter thing. She really wasn’t a fan of playing dress-up.

It was already Halloween when Sebastian noticed that he didn’t ask Joseph if he wanted to come along as well. He couldn’t really judge if his partner liked or disliked the subject, so he decided to just go and ask him.

Joseph was sitting in his room on his bed, reading a book. He read a lot and he also got almost every book from his apartment into Sebastian’s house by now even though there wasn’t enough space for them in the small room. But Joseph managed to stack them up perfectly. He surely was good at playing Tetris as well.

 

“Hey partner.” Sebastian sat down next to him on the bed.

“Do you need something?” Joseph barely looked up from the book. By a brief look at the cover Sebastian saw that it was an Agatha Christie thriller.

“I wanted to ask you about your opinion on Halloween.”

“I don’t really have one. It’s the day I buy a lot of sweets in case of spooky children at my door.”

“Would you like to go on tour as well?”

Joseph now looked at him. “I guess I’m a bit too old for that.”

“But Lily isn’t. And she needs company.”

“I don’t know…” Joseph sighed and put away the book. “I don’t think I’m good company.”

“I think you are.” Sebastian smiled a little. “Besides, now is your chance to dress up as a serial Killer.”

“Wow. Wonderful. Everything I ever wanted.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m actually looking forward to wear Jason.”

“Oh my, so many mommy issues?”

“Oh, shut up…”

“Okay, I’ll join you. I’ll do Norman Bates.”

“Oh, please put on a plaid dress and a cheap wig.”

“I don’t have either of that. What a pity.” Joseph shrugged. “Guess I’ll have to stay here and read then.”

Sebastian grinned wolfishly. “Myra!”, he yelled and noticed the slight uptightness in Joseph’s face.

His wife sprinted in the room. “Everything alright?!”

“Yes, yes… I was just wondering if you have anything in your closet that could turn Joseph into the pretty fashion icon _Norma_ Bates.”

“Really?” Myra looked at Joseph who gave her a pretty helpless look.

“He wants to join the _Mommy Issues_ team.” Sebastian stood up.

“God, you guys are nerds.” Myra sighed wearily. “But I’ve got an old dress of my mother. I think it would fit pretty well.”

“Myra no!”, Joseph shouted.

“Myra yes!”, Sebastian grinned. “Do you have a grey wig as well?”

“No…” Joseph sighed in relief. “…but I’ve got a white one.”

“Will do.” Sebastian grabbed Joseph’s arm and pulled him out of his bed, into his own bedroom.

“Wait! I wasn’t serious!”, he shouted on the way, but Sebastian didn’t care.

 

A few minutes later Joseph was dressed in an old dress with flower print and a cheap wig that Sebastian tied up to make it look like the one of Norman Bates… at least he tried to.

Joseph wasn’t too happy with the situation. “Can I put this off now?”

“No. We’re going on Trick and Treat tour now.”

“I won’t go outside in a _dress_!”

“Come on, you can wear it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Joseph crossed his arms.

“It… matches your eyes…?”

“You couldn’t find a cheaper line, could you?”

“Give a minute and I’ll find one.”

Joseph shook his head. “Being gay doesn’t make me a woman, you know?”

“But being Norman Bates does. And I never said something about your sexuality. Straight guys can look good in dresses as well. I mean, look at earlier fashion. Look at _Jesus_.”

“I’m not Christian.”

“But you know Jesus.”

“Not personally, no.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “But imagery.”

“I only know that he was walking around with some other guys and no women. Sounds pretty gay too me.”

“I think you can offend lots of people with this sentence.”

“I’m not planning on doing so. And I’m not planning on going outside in a dress.”

“Come on. Team Mommy Issues?” Sebastian put up his fist.

“You’re the worst.” Joseph bumped his fist nevertheless.

 

A bit later Jason Voorhees, Norma(n) Bates and Chucky were walking down the street. Joseph had finally given in to go when Lily told him he looked just perfect.

They were getting lots of compliments for their costumes and Sebastian noticed that Joseph got flustered and more confident through it.

But right when Lily wanted to ring the doorbell at the next house, Joseph stopped her. “That’s Connelly’s home. Not here.”

“What, are you scared he’ll like your dress?”

“Would you want a colleague to see you wearing a flower dress?” Joseph crossed his arms.

Sebastian eyed him for a moment, then he pressed the doorbell.

“I hate you.”, Joseph growled quietly.

Connelly opened the door. He was wearing a pirate costume and holding a big bowl of sweets.

“Trick or Treat!”, Lily shouted.

“Oh my, look at the horror gang here.” Connelly smiled and put some chocolate bars in Lily’s bag. “You’ll get a bonus because Jason Voorhees is your daddy.”

Lily giggled. “Do I get a bonus for uncle Jo-Jo in a dress too?”

“Absolutely.” Connelly grinned and gave her even more sweets. “And I want to take a picture of that.”

“No.” Joseph crossed his arms. “If you take a picture I will destroy your camera.”

Connelly had to laugh now. “To be fair, you can wear it.”

“Why is everyone saying that?!”

Sebastian had to laugh as well. “Norma is pretty sensible.”

“Don’t call me Norma!”

Connelly gave Joseph a pat on the back. “Don’t worry. It just means that you don’t look completely ridiculous.”

“Thanks very much.” Joseph pouted. “I got forced into this.”

“I felt lonely in Team Mommy Issues.” Sebastian shrugged.

Joseph let out a deep sigh and Connelly laughed hard. “Okay. More candy for that one.” He dropped another candy bar in Lily’s bag.

“Keep talking…” The little girl grinned at them.

“Your daughter will run a business one day.” Connelly chuckled. “But really, you’re like the slasher version of the Addams Family.”

“Please… don’t compare me to them.” Joseph crossed his arms.

“Now he’s getting patriotic on his character.” Sebastian laughed. “After hating it the whole time.”

“I don’t hate Norman Bates. I hate this dress.”

“Well, I guess that earned you at least a drop.” Connelly put it into Lily’s bag. “Now get of my lawn before I have no candy left!”

 

After a very successful tour they finally got back home. Lily started eating her sweets and Joseph went to his room to finally put off the dress.

“I’m _never_ doing that again.”, he told Sebastian.

“So, you’ll do Sailor Moon next year then?”

Sebastian had to run away because Joseph tried to beat him up with an encyclopedia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why this chapter even exists. I just thought it might be funny. xD  
> I know that the plot of this fanfic is mostly serious but Joseph has all rights for a little fun... even though Sebastian probably had more fun than him. xD
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


	17. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.   
> Sorry for the long wait. I've been trying and trying to end this fanfiction but I just couldn't find a satisfying solution. So I decided to be as vague as possible. It's the year before Lily dies, so they have about two months of happines left... you all know what happens after that.  
> Sorry that you had to wait for so long for something like this but I'd prefer to have an ending like that over having no ending at all. I hope you'll understand. Thank you so much for all the kind comments on this fanfiction. It has been an adventure.   
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy

It was a very windy day when Joseph moved back into his apartment. As he and Sebastian were carrying his stuff inside the lid of the box was beating his face and his hair was covering his eyes.

“I really should have a haircut.”, he said, when he finally was able to put the box on the floor.

“Maybe. You look a bit… disheveled.” Sebastian grinned. “This was the last box I think.”

Joseph nodded. “Thank you. For everything.”

“That’s what you’ve got friends for.” Sebastian pulled him in a tight hug and Joseph closed his eyes for a second.

“You think you’ll make it?”, Sebastian asked quietly.

“Yes. I’ll manage. I’m much more stable than I used to be.”

“If you’re feeling low just call me, okay? I’ll keep my phone in reach. Promise.”

Joseph nodded and slowly broke the hug. “Have you… told Myra?”

“Told her what?”

“You know…” He looked down on his shoes. “What I did.”

“No.” Sebastian placed one hand on Joseph’s cheek and gently forced him to look at him. “It’s not your fault, Joseph.”

“It is. You know it is.”

Sebastian moved back his hand. “You should come over for Christmas.”

“I’m still not Christian.”

“But you give me a present every year.”

“Because I would feel bad if I wouldn’t.”

“So you can also come over and eat with us.”

Joseph smiled a little. “Okay.”

“Need any help with unpacking your stuff?”

“No. I’ll spend the next days with cleaning and organizing my apartment I guess.”

“Whatever makes you happy.”

“You.” Joseph smiled a little. “You make me happy.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you find any Grammar mistakes, you can keep them, they're my gift for you. x3  
> Bibs didn't have time to read over the text yet so I did it myself, because I'm so eager to show you my little baby and there're much more chapters to come! ♥  
> I started this fanfiction over a year ago, actually wanting it to be a sad little one-shot where Joseph just dies or something like that. But as I found the beginning again a few weeks ago and just wanted to end it, I kept writing. And writing. And I've got so many ideas for this!  
> I really hope you will like the fic, because I'm putting a lot of work in this at the moment and would be glad for some feedback. :D
> 
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy


End file.
